Home is Where the Heart is
by brittanaisendgameforever
Summary: She's alive...After five years of not knowing, she's alive. But what's changed since she went missing? Brittana AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Extended Summary: Santana and Brittany are happily engaged and starting a family. But when Santana gets deployed overseas everything takes a turn for the wrong. She's missing, but when she's found five years later, what will happen when she returns home?**

**Hey everyone! I'm glad to finally be getting this out there, I've had this idea for a long time and I can't wait to share it with all of you. I wanted to wait until I finished Love Always Finds a Way and When Love is Home before I put this out there. And if you haven't read them, please do!**

**And this might seem familiar to an older fic, but I have no intention of copying their work or ideas. This is completely my own work.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**And a huge thank you to my amazing beta, treecklove!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or its characters.**

_Fort Bragg, Fayetteville, North Carolina _

_2012_

Santana and Brittany walked hand-in-hand through the airplane hanger at Fort Bragg. As they neared closer to the other families, Brittany's grip tightened and Santana looked over to see a tear run down her cheek.

They stopped in a semi-unpopulated area and Santana dropped her duffle on the ground. It made a noise they both hated to hear.

Santana faced her beautiful fiancé and grabbed her other hand. "Everything's gonna be fine. I'll be home in no time to meet our boy." Brittany chuckled and gave her a sad smile.

"You're still convinced it's a boy?" Santana knelt down and kissed the fabric over Brittany's stomach. She was four months pregnant, but it barely showed.

"I'm gonna miss you so much baby. Take care of mommy yeah?" She rubbed her thumb over the warm surface and then stood back up and embraced Brittany. Brittany's head rested on her shoulder and she started crying.

Santana fought as hard as she could against the tears that threatened her eyes. She let out a shaky breath and stroked Brittany's toned back. She ran her hands up and down trying to soak in how much she was going to miss the feel of it.

When Brittany's breathing calmed, she pulled herself back but left her arms around Santana's neck. She was just about to say something when the overhead intercom came on. "Five minutes until boarding, repeat five minutes until boarding."

Her head turned back to Brittany and she gave her a brief smile. They really didn't need to say much. There was nothing much to say. Santana was being deployed and there wasn't much either of them could do about that. They had been lucky that Santana had been able to choose when she wanted to take her leave because of the baby.

Santana's fingers ran over the ring she had put on Brittany's finger over a year ago. And Brittany's found hers. Santana withdrew her hands for a moment and slipped her own off and held it between them. Then she grabbed Brittany's right hand and slipped it on her ring finger.

"Hold on to that for me. I don't want it getting lost or messy." Brittany faintly nodded and looked down at it.

"I love you so much Britt. I promise I'll be back…" Brittany nodded again and pulled Santana back into her body.

Santana didn't want to let go, but she heard to padding of boots echo in the hanger and knew it was time for her to leave. She pulled back and kissed Brittany with as much passion as she could. She tried to put as much love and reassurance into the kiss as possible. When she pulled back, she leaned over and picked up her duffle off the ground and then stroked Brittany's moist cheek one more time before moving her hand to the baby. "I'll see you later, soon." It wouldn't make sense to anyone else right away but Brittany understood.

"I'll see you later, soon. I love you…" With that Santana threw her bag over her shoulder and started walking towards the larger crowd of other soldiers who were loading on the buses outside of the hanger. Just before she got on the bus, she turned back and offered Brittany a wave and smile.

Brittany waved back and put one hand over her stomach. It was going to be a long five months waiting on the love of her life to return back home. But they had done it before and she knew they could do it again.

XXXXXXXXXX

Santana tiredly settled into her medical tent and started filing all the papers that had accumulated on her desk. Being the head company medic was a very stressful job, but she liked what she did. She liked helping people and saving lives when needed.

The flap of the tent opened and she didn't need to look up to know who it was. "Master Sergeant Lopez I have a letter here that says you need to go eat at mess with one Staff Sergeant Puckerman." Santana shook her head and kept working on her papers. He approached her desk and leaned on it casually. His knuckles landed on a folder just as Santana was about to open it. "Come on Lopez."

"I've had enough of your shit Puckerman. We've only been here two months and you're driving me crazy. Now leave. I have work to do." He laughed and she finally looked up at him. Noah Puckerman had been a very good friend of hers for a couple of years now. They had met at Bragg when Santana was stationed there two years ago. He was very much attracted to the Latina, but knew she was happily with Brittany, who he was also very much attracted to. He flirted with both of them relentlessly but it was all in good fun.

"So harsh. You really hurt my feelings. I'm getting tired of your rejection." Santana leaned back in her chair and chuckled at him. His hand was over his heart and he was comically frowning.

"You'll get over it. Now what is it that you really want?" He smirked, not surprised by her forwardness.

"I have an envelope for you. Mail came and I knew you would be busy so I brought it to you." He reached into his lower cargo pocket and pulled out a large tan envelope. It was folded in half and he straightened it before handing it to her.

Santana reached out for it but he snatched it into the air. "Give me the fucking envelope Puck." He smiled and finally handed it to her. She grinned ear to ear seeing it was from Brittany. "Thank you"

"No problem. Just get some chow soon okay. Mess is closing early today." She nodded and sat back in her chair. She tenderly opened the crumpled envelope and pulled out the contents.

Brittany always sent her a letter and then usually included a few pictures of whatever she was doing or of their friends. She had always said it was better to put words with pictures and that's why she hated reading books without pictures.

Santana opened the paper she knew held the message and started reading. Brittany explained that everything at home was fine and that she had gone to her doctor's appointments and everything with the baby was fine. She didn't want to know the sex without Santana so she said they would just have to wait, but that was okay because she loved surprises. The last paragraph was always what Santana read over and over again because she knew that it was what Brittany spent the most time on.

_Every day without you feels like a marathon. It's like I'm running a race alone. But I know that when I reach the finish line you'll be there. And this time, we'll have an extra piece of us there too. I miss you so much all the time. The house is so quiet and our bed feels so cold. But I know everything will be fine. I just want you home. _

_I love you so much Santana. I'll see you later, soon. _

_-B_

_P.s. There's a special picture in there this time. I wanted you to see (him?)_

Santana didn't read the last line a second time because her excitement made her reach straight for the white envelope that contained Brittany's pictures.

She ripped the top and scattered them on her desk. The top one made her halt all her movements. She took it in her hand slowly and smiled gracefully. It was a sonogram from Brittany's six month check-up. And even though it was just a picture, it wasn't. It was their baby. _Their_ baby. Something that they created together, with a little help from a donor.

She ran her thumb over the baby's head and down the length of the photo. It was precious. A tear swelled in her left eye and she wiped it away before it could fall. She placed the photo next to her letter and looked through the others. They were all of Brittany and a few of them contained friends. When she finished looking at everything her cheeks hurt from grinning and her chest hurt from the separation of Brittany and herself.

She loved her job, but this time or anytime when she was away from Brittany hurt. It was a feeling of incompletion that she had never felt any other time or for any other person. Every ounce of her ached for Brittany.

Santana took a second to refocus herself and then carefully placed all the items back in the large envelope and walked over to her personal cabinet where she put all Brittany's letters and inserted them with the others. They skyped and emailed too of course, but there was something about the letters that made them more special. It was probably the fact Santana could see Brittany sitting at their kitchen table pouring her heart into her message. The way she would bite her bottom lip as she tried to think of what to write next, and the cute little grin she did when she sighed off each one of them. Or the way she took her time placing the items carefully into the envelope and meticulously writing Santana's address on the outside. Or the way she kissed it before handing it to the postman at the base's post office because she didn't trust just anyone handling it. Santana could think of hundreds of things that made them special. But the real reason they were special was because she loved anything Brittany did. Because she loved Brittany.

After some chow in the mess hall, Santana went back to her tent and resumed her work. A few soldiers came by complaining like usual. She treated their attention disorders with a simple valium and told them to get some rest. She hated to be cold about their feelings, but she wasn't a shrink. She was just a medic. She was just as lonely and lost as they were. Most of the time she felt like something was wrong with her too, but it was just the feeling of her heart being where she wasn't. It was home. With Brittany.

Just as she laid herself down on her cot and turned out her lamp, Puck came bursting through the flaps of the tent and turned on the lamp. Santana threw her legs back over the edge of the cot and stood up. She gave him the questioning look and he grabbed her ruck off of a shelf and threw it at her. "We're moving out. Location's been compromised. Pack whatever you need and I'll help with supplies. Don't worry about the exterior pack up. Captain wants us moving in fifteen." Santana nodded in confirmation and immediately began packing her personals and all her clothes and equipment. Puck started packing all the medical supplies for a field-ready bag and excused himself so Santana could change into her uniform.

Once she slapped her medic ID on the Velcro shoulder spot, she grabbed her things and exited her tent. All the soldiers in nearby tents scrabbled to get dressed and get all their stuff together. The security team was going in and out of every tent trying to get them to hurry.

Santana went straight to her assigned vehicle and loaded her supplies. Puck helped her inside and their truck was the first to leave. She had no idea where they were going and she didn't ask.

An hour later, they were in the middle of a ghost town. They set up brief camps inside of the authorized buildings and waited on the rest of the troops to arrive. Santana hated this part of her job. It's not that she wanted to go to war or anything, she just hated waiting around. It made her feel useless and to her that was the worst feeling.

Just as the other trucks and vehicles made their way around the bend, there was a loud explosion. One of the trucks shot up in the air and flipped. It was engulfed in flames and the truck behind it didn't have enough time to swerve and ran straight into it. Santana saw the men inside try to bail, but it was too late and the flames reached the gas tank and caused another explosion. The other following trucks slammed on breaks and men started exiting their vehicles.

Santana saw all the soldiers around her dive into the scene. She reached into the truck and grabbed her medical ruck. Puck was right by her side and they started running towards the flames. And then there was the sound of popping. It sounded like firecrackers going off and in the night it looked a lot like it. But when Santana witnessed a man fall to his knees clutching his severed throat, she knew they weren't fireworks, they were bullets.

She rushed to the man as he fell on his back and knelt beside him. Puck was still next to her, he was clutching his weapon waiting to protect her. She tried to pry the man's hands away so she could see what she needed, but he wouldn't release his grip. Santana looked to his name tag. _Hudson_. And then to his rank. _Lieutenant_. "Lt. Hudson I need you to let me see your wound." He seemed to relax at the sound of her stern voice and she was able to see where the bullet went in. Luckily it had gone out the other side, but now he had a bleeding artery. She quickly put pressure with a heavy gauze and looked at him in the eyes. "Keep your eyes open Lt. Hudson. Everything's gonna be just fine." His breathing was becoming thick and Santana saw the blood boiling in his mouth. He didn't have long.

She was about to grab something to comfort him out of her bag when Puck's rifle went off next to her. It was then that she realized they were still under fire. Puck grabbed her collar and pulled her away from the dying lieutenant. They moved around the other side of a truck and Puck pulled out his side pistol and handed it to her. She silently took it and positioned herself to move.

Her heart was beating out her chest as she followed Puck's every move. She had trained just like anyone else, but she was so used to the office part of this job, she seemed to forget how it was done. And her lack of knowledge scared her more than getting hit.

Puck moved over to where most of the other soldiers had gathered and leaned over to talk to whoever. Then he leaned back and spoke to Santana "They have us surrounded. We're gonna hold off as long as we can…" Santana was waiting for the 'but' and nodded when it didn't come.

And they did. They held off until their supplies ran out and they were surround by Iraqi Taliban. Santana was scared out of her mind and clutched her chest pocket where she kept her baby's picture and Brittany's. She closed her eyes as they snatched her up, laced her wrists with a zip tie, and dragged her over to one of their trucks. She had no idea what would happen to her. She knew Puck was next to her, but that no longer held hope of safety. Everything wasn't fine and Santana wasn't sure if it was going to be.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So have you heard from that guy, the one you were talking to last week?" Brittany sipped her tea and looked across her kitchen table at her best friend.

"No. I told him not to call me anymore." Brittany frowned and took another sip.

"Quinn, why would you do that? I thought you really liked him." Quinn raised an eyebrow expecting Brittany of all people to know the answer.

"You of all people should know why." Quinn was a very matter-of-fact person. She was sympathetic but kept her walls strong. She reminded Brittany a lot of Santana when they were younger and still in high school. Santana had always been guarded and only ever dropped her walls for Brittany.

"Well then why do you work at a place and associate yourself with men you know are gonna leave?" Brittany set her cup down on the table and leaned back in her chair. She rested her hands over her baby bump and rubbed it slowly.

"Why do you?" Quinn shot back and crossed her arms. She was in a very defensive mood today and it wasn't doing much for Brittany's feelings. She was already miserable because Santana wasn't around, on top of the fact she hadn't heard from her yet. She always called the day after she received her letter. It had been three days since the postman called and told her that the shipment had landed.

"I was with Santana long before she was in the army. It's been a hard life for both of us, but I wouldn't trade it for anything." Quinn's expression and posture relaxed as she saw how composed and at ease Brittany was with her decision. True love really did exist. Those two were a prime example of that.

They sat in silence for a couple more minutes and Brittany stared at her phone. She hadn't been able to stop since not hearing from Santana. She just needed to hear her voice. She needed to hear she was okay.

"So when _are_ you two getting married? Everyone has been talking about it since you got pregnant." Brittany smiled and shook her head. She couldn't stand the army wives at this base. They were always spreading gossip. Sometimes it was worse than high school was.

"We had decided on a date before we got pregnant. But then we found out she was deploying the day I found out I was pregnant. We decided to wait until she gets back and things settle down. But we're not in a hurry." Brittany tried to keep a brave face talking about it. She wanted more than anything to be called Santana's wife, but it wasn't happening for a while.

Quinn was about to say thing in return when the doorbell rang. It shouldn't have scared Brittany, but it did. For some reason it didn't feel right. She slowly got up from her seat and walked down the stretch to the doorway. She could hear Quinn's soft footsteps behind her. Her hand rested on the knob and she looked through the peep hole.

She froze and her heart seemed to stop. There were two men dressed in their formals, standing with their hats under their arms. The one man had a flaccid expression and the younger, taller man with dark hair let out a nervous breath. Brittany had seen this in those movies, like the one with Mel Gibson. She couldn't think of the name but it didn't matter. Nothing could compare to all the emotions that hit her as she saw the sight before her eyes.

The tears started pouring and she slowly looked back at Quinn. The shorter blonde approached her side and helped her open the door. The two men straightened and the older man cleared his throat. Brittany saw the melancholy in his eyes.

"Ms. Pierce?" Brittany somehow managed to nod. "You're listed as the emergency contact for Master Sergeant Santana Lopez, is that accurate?" Brittany nodded again and her lip started to quiver. Her legs felt weak and she leaned more into Quinn, whose arm was around her waist. "There was an attack on Sgt. Lopez's location and all the troops in the area are now MIA. Including Sgt. Lopez." Brittany let out a cry and shook against Quinn. Her best friend held her firm and let her cry against her. The two soldiers stood there watching her weep and when the older one turned to leave, the younger one stayed behind and helped Quinn get Brittany inside. He offered to help with anything they needed and promised to keep them updated.

Brittany didn't sleep at all that night. She held her phone tightly against her chest. Quinn stayed with her, but there wasn't much she could do for her.

Santana was missing. How was Santana missing? Where was she? Is that why she didn't call? Brittany starting crying after asking herself too many questions her nor anyone else had the answers to.

Santana promised her everything would fine. Everything had to be fine. It just had to be. She would see her later, soon.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

_Five years later… 2017, Fayetteville, North Carolina_

Brittany wiped her hands on the towel next to her and finished packing a PB&amp;J into a small tin lunch box. A laugh came from down the hallway and she looked up to see her son running into the kitchen. He looked behind him and a tall figure grabbed him and threw him over his shoulder. She smiled and picked up the lunch from the counter. "Come on Jacob, you're gonna be late for school." The little boy was put down and rushed to his mom to give her a hug. She handed him his lunch box and kissed his forehead. "I'll be there to pick you up okay?" He nodded and turned to get his book bag that was ten times too big for him.

The taller figure came over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you after work." Brittany nodded and they walked out the front door. She watched him help Jacob into the car and smiled at how precious her son was.

She watched the truck pull out of the driveway and sighed. She wouldn't admit her life was perfect, but it was better than it had been in a long time. There was one thing missing and today was a painful reminder of that.

Instead of throwing herself the usual pity party today typically brought, she decided to be productive and clean house. She was vacuuming when the landline rung and she stopped to pick it up. "Hello?"

"Is this Brittany Pierce?" A woman's voice came from the other end.

"This is she." Brittany slipped a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Ms. Pierce, I'm calling in regards to Master Sergeant Santana Lopez." Brittany's heart dropped and she felt like there was an elephant sitting in her chest. She couldn't respond but the woman continued "Her and many of the other soldiers were liberated from a prison camp today in Iraq. She's going to have to stay overseas for a while for further processing and evaluation. But you were the only person listed on her emergency contacts. We'll advise you when further steps have been taken."

"Thank you…" She barely whispered out. She dropped the phone from her hand and slid down the wall to sit of the floor. Tears immediately started pouring from her eyes and she wailed out, almost screaming. It wasn't so much a sad cry. She was happy wasn't she? Santana was alive. Santana was _alive_. That's all she could repeat to herself. Santana was alive…

XXXXXXXXXXXX

**I hope you liked the first chapter of this fic! I'm excited to post more and I hope you guys will respond well to it!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! I really like reading your opinions and thoughts about my work. But don't hate.**

**Stay tuned for another chapter soon, but I'm not promising weekly updates. I'm really slammed with school and stuff so be patient with me!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay so the response on that first chapter was nothing short of AMAZING! Thank you so much to those of you that left a review (at least a positive one)! It means the world to me that so many of you want more and that you already like it! **

**But on a more serious note. I understand that a lot of you think Brittany is wrong for moving on, but people, if it was said there wasn't a possibility Santana would come back, wouldn't she have the right then? Just relax, we all know Brittana is endgame ;) And Mystery man isn't a bad guy either. **

**And to my one guest: for the love of God I would most definitely NOT put her in a relationship with Sam. Just no…gross.**

**I have also come across many similarities my fic contains in resemblance to others, but as I previously stated this is a work of my own and I intend on keeping it that way. If anyone was offended in any way I do apologize. There's no copyright intent, scout's honor! **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next chapter. Still no Santana (well only briefly), but you'll find out who mystery man is and learn more about Jacob! **

**And a huge thank you to my beta, treecklove ;). You know how I feel about ya!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. **

She waited in the car line like usual and her son happily jumped in the back seat when her car pulled up. He leaned in the front to give her a kiss on the cheek before strapping himself in his car seat. "How was your day J?"

"It was awesome, Ms. Summer let me read out loud the most today. She said I did a good job and gave me a piece of candy." Brittany looked in her rearview mirror and smiled. She gave thanks every day that her son was so smart. He was only four, but he had the ability to read at a much higher grade level. All his teachers recommended that he be put in a gifted program, but those cost money and Brittany had said he needed to know he was special instead of average.

Brittany listened to the rest of his stories from his day. Well sort of. She hated to admit it and she never usually did, but she tuned out. Her internal struggle over the decision to tell Jacob about Santana was taking all her attention. Santana was still overseas and they didn't know if she was stable enough to come back yet. There were just so many unanswered questions. Would she be okay when she did come back? What would happen if she wasn't? What if she told Jacob and she wasn't okay? It was all too much for Brittany to process. She hadn't told anyone yet.

When they got home, Brittany gave Jacob his snack and watched him as he did his homework, what little he had being in Kindergarten.

The internal struggle was still eating at her, but she loved to watch her son think and work. He looked just like Santana. Not only in appearance, but in his work ethic. The two weren't even directly related, but he was so much like her it was scary sometimes. He tapped his pencil against his lip just like she did when she was processing what to write down. His eyebrows scrunched together when he was thinking about more than the answer just like hers did. He was even left handed like Santana.

Brittany smiled weakly at him and ran her fingers through his thick, raven hair. She kissed the side of his head and then got up and walked into the living room. She was about to finish straightening the mess she had left earlier when the phone rang.

She slowly walked over to it and her heart was beating rapidly. She cautiously pressed the answer key and held it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Britt?" Brittany let out a loud sigh and was relieved at the sound of Quinn's voice. She almost started crying. "Britt are you there?"

"Yeah I'm here. What's up?" Brittany rubbed the back of her neck and peered into the kitchen to see her son still focused on the paper in front of him.

"You know exactly what's up." Quinn stated very matter-of-factly. Brittany dipped her head and walked further into the house so Jacob wouldn't hear. "I'm assuming you've heard. It's all over the news. But I just got off work so I haven't had the chance to call."

Brittany didn't even think about it being a huge news story. But she assumed, now, it was even bigger than when they announced they had all gone missing. That had been a headline for months.

Realizing now exactly what Quinn was talking about, she nodded and bit her bottom lip. "They called me this morning."

"Why didn't you call me? Have you told Jacob? What about-" Brittany cut her off.

"Quinn just slow down. I haven't told anyone. I didn't think about it being all over the news so everyone probably knows but Jacob."

"Are you going to tell him?" Brittany looked over her shoulder and the corners of her lips tightened.

"I'm not sure. I want to" She brought her voice to whisper "I mean she's his mother, but if she's not okay…Quinn I have no idea what is going to happen." Her voice grew shaky and she felt the tears behind her eyes.

Neither of them said anything but after a little time passed Quinn spoke up "Can I give you my opinion, as Jacob's godmother and as your best friend?"

"Quinn…" Brittany's voice came off frustrated but Quinn persisted.

"Brittany. Just hear me out. You're not in this alone. I've always been here. For you and for Jacob. I love you both and I would do anything for either of you. So whether you want to or not, I'm gonna tell you my opinion. I think it's best to wait. You're right, if Santana's not okay and you tell him that could create a lot of problems."

Brittany stayed quiet and Quinn knew why. Jacob was smart and he was really good at putting pieces together.

They talked for a couple more minutes about other things. Quinn tried her best to take Brittany's mind off the topic everyone was buzzing about right now, but she knew it probably wouldn't work. After they hung up, Jacob ran into the living room and tugged on Brittany's shirt.

"Mommy?" Brittany turned around and wiped a small amount of moisture from her eye.

"Hey J. Done with homework?" He nodded eagerly. She squatted in front of him and smiled at how bright his dark brown eyes were. She wished she still had that innocent appeal to the world.

"Can I watch TV?" He pointed to the TV and Brittany frowned.

"Not right now okay. How about a book instead?" He shrugged and went to his room and retrieved a book. He settled on the couch and Brittany watched as he opened it and held it over his head.

A couple of hours passed and Brittany decided to start dinner. Just as she finished, she heard the front door open and the padding of dress shoes through the hall.

Jacob slammed his book shut and ran towards the man as he stepped into the kitchen. He immediately picked him up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He tickled his sides for a minute and then set him down. "Hey J, why don't you go play in your room for a minute. I need to talk to your mommy. I'll come get you when dinner's ready." The little boy nodded and went off like he was told.

Brittany slid the vegetables in the pan into a bowl and felt a pair of lips against her temple. She tried to brave a smile, but he knew.

"Did they call you?" Brittany nodded while moving to set the table. "What did they say?"

"They said she was going to have to stay overseas until they evaluated her." He started unbuttoning his uniform jacket and hung it on the back of his chair.

"Is that it?" He sat down at the head of the table and Brittany set a plate in front of him.

"Yeah that was all they said." She turned back to get the rest of the food.

"Have you watched the news or anything? It's all the guys could talk about today." Brittany shook her head. "Have you told Jacob?"

"No I haven't." Her voice was a little snappier than she wished, but his persistent questioning was starting to irritate her.

"Are you going to? I don't think it's a good idea."

Brittany walked straight to him and glared at him "Chris I have no clue what in the hell I'm gonna do. But when it comes to Santana and Jacob, you know that's crossing a line." With that he stood up and tried to take a step towards her. "Don't…" Brittany warned.

Chris showed his palms and calmly picked up his jacket and walked out of the dining room. He went straight to their room, trying to give Brittany her space. He regretted even mentioning the whole thing, but he only did it because he cared. He loved Brittany. He loved Jacob. But he was never allowed to be _that_ close with Jacob. Sure he dropped him off at school and played with him and did "fatherly" type activities. But Brittany always put a barrier up when it came to actually parenting him. She had made it very clear that he was not Jacob's parent and that he never would be. It disappointed him to some extent, but he understood. He was just happy that Brittany had finally let him in.

As he walked back out, he passed Jacob's room and found him staring at a picture frame. Chris knew exactly what picture it was. It sat right next to his bed and he looked at it every night before he went to bed. It was the same one Brittany cried over every night after the person in the photo went missing. Chris was jealous and after he had officially moved in, Brittany had given Jacob the picture. But that didn't stop her from saying Santana's name in her sleep or waking up with a nightmare. Sometimes she would stare out the window and was startled whenever he tried to pull her attention.

But shaking his head and clearing his throat he called out to the little boy "Jacob". He looked up "Dinner's ready." He set the picture down on his bed and walked out and Chris followed. It was going to be a quiet dinner.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_As she heard the door open and keys drop in the bowl that was placed meticulously by the front door, Brittany smiled. The padding of boots came next and then just as she finished putting the salad in a bowl a pair of arms wrapped around her waist. A pair of soft lips kissed her neck and the breath hitting her neck ticked. _

"_Hey you" She set the bowl down and turned around. _

"_Hey" She draped her arms around the shorter woman's neck and leaned in to give her a kiss. _

_This was Brittany's favorite part of the day, besides going to sleep in Santana's arms that is. She loved it when Santana came home from work. She loved having dinner ready for her and then eating with her and getting to tell her about her day and learning about Santana's. It was time she treasured because she never knew when Santana would go into work and come home with that look. The one that told her she wouldn't see her for a year. _

_After one more lingering kiss, Brittany told Santana to wash up and get ready for dinner. A few minutes later they were both seated at their kitchen table._

"_So how was work?" Santana wiped her mouth and nodded, chewing the rest of her food before she spoke. Even though she was in the Army, no one would know if she wasn't in uniform. She had retained every ounce of her feminine personality. _

"_It was alright. Puck and I just did inventory all day, so it was pretty boring." Santana put her fork down and smiled at Brittany. "How was your day?"_

"_It was good. I went to the mall with Quinn. She had the day off and needed a dress for some date. I didn't have any classes today at the studio so when she called I went with her. Then we had lunch and hung out for a little while. It was nice." Santana continued to smile at her. _

"_Sounds nice. I bet Quinn was happy to have a day off. Working at that hospital seventy two hours a week has to suck." Brittany smirked playfully and Santana cocked her head to the side. _

"_What?"_

"_Nothing." Santana nudged her hand. "Nothing, it's just, you do almost the exact same thing." _

"_I'm a medic Britt, not a nurse." Brittany shrugged and let the subject go. Santana was very modest about her job. She worked hard and Brittany knew that, but Santana never complained. But that was Santana. She always loved working hard, Brittany just never understood why._

_They finished eating and then started cleaning the kitchen. As per usual, Brittany washed and Santana dried. It was their system and they had always done it that way, even when they were teenagers. _

"_Did you get anything at the mall today?" Santana put a glass in the cabinet over her head and looked over at Brittany. _

"_No not today." She handed Santana a plate. _

"_Any reason why?" Brittany shook her head but Santana could tell she was hiding something. She always bit her top lip when something was troubling her or when she was trying to keep something from Santana. _

_Santana put the dish_ _down and stared at Brittany. The blonde continued to wash the bowl in her hands and shrugged. "Come on Britt."_

_Finally, she looked up "I got distracted." _

"_You weren't talking to another homeless person were you? Britt, I told you that can be dangerous." Brittany shook her head. _

"_No I wasn't talking to a homeless person." Santana finished drying the rest and put them away, giving Brittany the time to continue. "I had this really cute dress picked out and I was at the store window. Quinn was trying on a couple of things and I was waiting on her. I saw this woman walk by and she had a baby. She was pushing it in the stroller and she stopped right in front of the window and knelt down in front of the stroller. It was just adorable…" She dropped her gaze to the floor and shrugged, playing with the dish towel in her hands. "I just started thinking about us…having a family."_

_Santana walked up to her and pulled her chin up so Brittany was looking at her. "What about us having a family?" Brittany huffed and looked away again. Santana didn't know why this was so hard for her say. She had always mentioned wanting kids and now that the subject was actually considerable, she was backing down. "Brittany just say it."_

_In a quiet voice Brittany finally muttered it out "I want a family." _

"_We are a family Britt. You're the only family I've ever had as far as I'm concerned. I have no parents, no siblings, just you." Santana grabbed her hand and kissed the top of it. _

"_I know we are. But I'm talking about more than just us. I want a baby." Santana smiled at her, finally pleased to get her answer. When she shook her head lightly, Brittany grew concerned. "I know with your job it would be hard. But I want so much with you and we're engaged and I just think now is a really good time for this. But you might not even want it…I'm sorry." _

_Santana let Brittany finish and then pulled her close and kissed her softly. "I most definitely do want it. And yeah my job really interferes with family time, but I have a feeling we can make it work." _

_Brittany's face lit up and a smile spread widely across her face. "Seriously?" _

"_Seriously." Santana nodded. "Let's have a baby." Brittany wrapped her arms tightly around Santana's neck and they started laughing. _

Brittany smiled briefly at the memory as she set the dishes in the sink and started to wash them. She looked at the empty space next to her and it took away any joy the memory had brought her.

She did dishes by herself now. Chris always helped her clear the table, but never offered to help wash or dry. Brittany didn't mind though. It was a good thing to her. It was one thing she could keep between just her and Santana. One thing she didn't have to share.

A tap on her leg broke her concentration and she looked over her shoulder to see Jacob standing behind her. He smiled lazily up at her and she melted. He was too adorable for his own good.

"What's up little man?" He came to stand on her right side and leaned against the counter. He shrugged and sighed. "Something wrong?"

He shook his head "No. You just looked sad so I wanted to know why." He shoved his small hands in his pockets. Brittany loved that her son was smart, like really smart, but she hated that he could read her so easily. Yet again, Santana could too. It was just another thing they shared.

"I'm fine J. Don't worry about me. There's a lot going on right now, but it's nothing you need to worry about okay?" He nodded shyly and was about to walk off when Brittany stopped him. "Hey J" He turned back around and caught a dish towel when Brittany threw it at him. She gave him a little smile "I wash, you dry?" She pulled up the little stool he used when he washed his hands and he stood next to her and dried the dishes as she handed them to him. She hadn't even thought about sharing this custom with her son, but it felt right. It comforted her.

"You know J, me and your mama used to do this exact same thing. I always washed and she always dried." He smiled up at her with the mention of his other mother. He had always wanted to know everything about her.

"So I'm like mama?" His little hands moved around the plate with the towel and his brow furrowed in concentration not to drop it.

"You're so much like her Jacob. You have no idea." She flicked some water on him and he laughed in surprise.

They finished cleaning the kitchen and Brittany told Jacob it was time for bed. It was earlier than his usual time, but she wanted to go to bed.

After a brief shower, she helped him get ready for bed and tucked him in. She kissed his forehead and was about to stand up and turn off the lamp when he grabbed her hand. "Mommy?"

"Yeah?" She sat back down on the side of the bed.

"Is mama ever coming back?" Brittany took in a shaky breath. This was never an easy topic and before today it was harder to answer because Brittany wasn't sure of the answer herself. She, on several occasions and by several people, had been told no.

"What do I always say?"

"You always say 'It could happen'" He picked at the hem of his sheet, another very Santana thing to do.

"And I really mean it this time J. It could happen." She leaned over and handed him the picture frame. "But whether it does or not, she loves you. More than anything. I know that for sure." She pointed to the picture of Santana.

"How?" Brittany looked at him questioningly "How do you know?"

Brittany let out a little chuckle "You should have seen her when I told her I was pregnant with you. She loved you before she ever knew and she loved you so much before you were born."

"Can you tell me a story? About her?" Brittany sighed and nodded. She laid next to her son and put her arm around him and held him. He cuddled against her and she could feel his heart beat. She rubbed his back slowly and then started her story.

_It was a very hot summer day as Santana and Brittany stood in the middle of the temporarily abandoned football field. _

"_Britt let's just go. We've been here for hours." Brittany did a cartwheel in front of her and landed with her hands on her hips. _

"_Santana we're not gonna make the Cheerios if we don't practice. I heard the coach is really tough and try outs are next week." Santana crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes. _

"_Coach Sylvester can't be that bad. And besides we both know we're already in." Brittany walked up to her and mocked her position. _

"_Well we might be 'in' as you say, but if she doesn't like what she sees we're out." Santana smirked. _

"_I guess you're right." Brittany laughed._

"_Can you repeat that?" Santana glared playfully at her and rolled her eyes. "Did Santana Lopez, the Santana Lopez just say I was right? Not her, but I?" _

_Santana shoved her arm playfully "Shut up. It's not gonna happen again." _

_Brittany stuck out her tongue "We'll just have to see about that, won't we?" _

"_I'm telling you it's not." Brittany smirked this time and started walking back to the center of the field. "What you don't believe me?" _

"_I believe you'll try. But I don't think you'll succeed." _

"_Succeed at what exactly? Being right?" Brittany shook her head. _

"_No. At holding your ground. You're like whipped yogurt in my hands." Brittany gave her a suggestive stare and Santana started laughing. _

_She didn't say anything, but Brittany knew that was because she would be admitting that Brittany was right yet again. _

"_Let's just get back to these round ups." Before Santana could say anything else, Brittany was running down the field and jumping into a flip. And as she stuck her usual perfect landing, Santana watched as her ankle gave out under her weight and she fell to the ground clutching it and screaming out. _

_Santana ran to her side as fast as she could and knelt beside her. She felt her chest tighten as Brittany's face scrunched in pain. The tears were running down her cheeks, mixing with the pre-existing sweat. _

_Santana touched Brittany shoulder and she relaxed in the slightest. She moved down and looked at the leg Brittany was clutching. "Britt, let go so I can see." Her voice was stern but calming and Brittany did as she said. _

_Holding the underside of her calf, Santana gently untied Brittany's shoe and painfully slipped it off. It was already swelling terribly. But Santana didn't think it was broken because when she asked her to, Brittany could move her toes. _

"_Let's get you home." Santana gently rested the leg on the grass and stood up. She helped Brittany slowly to her feet and put her arm around her neck. Santana put hers around Brittany's waist and the other one held her hand. _

_It was a three mile walk back to Brittany's house and by mile two Santana was fully supporting Brittany. She tried carrying her in her arms, but then suggested she just piggyback it. So Santana sat her down on a bench and squatted down so Brittany could wrap her legs around Santana's waist. _

_Brittany's parents weren't home, so Santana climbed the two flights of stairs with Brittany on her back. She laid her down on her bed and propped her foot up. She left briefly to get an icepack and after returning she ever-so-gently placed it over the very swollen area. _

"_You should probably go to the doctor. When do your parents get back?" She sat facing her on the bed._

"_They should be home in a couple of hours." Santana nodded and a put hand on Brittany's leg. "Thank you Santana." _

"_For what?" She stared at her quizzically. _

"_You carried me three miles back to my house and then up the stairs and took care of me." Santana smiled at her. _

"_I'd do anything for you Britt." Brittany's cheeks flushed red and Santana rubbed her hand up and down Brittany's uninjured leg. _

"_Anything?" Santana nodded. _

"_Anything." Brittany smiled and patted the spot next to her. Santana, instantly but cautiously, moved next to her and let Brittany lay her head on her shoulder. _

"_Would you kiss me?" Santana smiled down at her and didn't answer before putting her lips on Brittany's. _

_When she pulled back she pushed a strand of blonde hair behind Brittany's ear "I would definitely kiss you." _

_Brittany kissed her again and then relaxed into her side. Never in her life had she felt so safe and cared for than in the arms of Santana Lopez. _

"Did your foot get better?" Jacob asked quietly.

"Yeah, it was just a sprain. But it probably would have been worse if your mama hadn't have done what she did." She stroked his dark hair and kissed his forehead.

"So mama is a hero?" Brittany nodded.

"She's a hero in more than one way. Never forget that Jacob."

"I won't." Brittany got up and pulled the covers to Jacob's shoulders.

"Get some sleep J. I love you." She kissed him again and turned out the light.

"I love you too mommy." She smiled at him and left the door cracked as she exited his room.

**Please leave me a review and tell me what you think! I really enjoy reading them and seeing your opinion so please keep up this overwhelming response. **

**And follow and favorite if you so please! **

**Stay tuned for the next chapter, hopefully soon! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm back! It's been long enough right?! **

**Here's chapter 3, and again I'm so so sorry it took me forever to put out a new chapter. I'll try my best to keep it in reason but I can't promise anything. **

**I really hope you all enjoy it! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

"Hello?" Brittany set down her laundry basket and pressed the phone to her ear.

"Ms. Pierce? This is Dr. Hughes from the medical center in the U.S embassy here in Iraq. I'm calling in regards to Ms. Santana Lopez." Brittany's heart thumped against the inside of her chest like never before. She hadn't heard anything involving Santana for the past two weeks and it was starting to look like she had a fetish for the phone.

But even more challenging than waiting for a phone call was keeping the whole thing a secret from Jacob. He knew something was up, and asked Brittany multiple times a day what was wrong. It was hard to tell him nothing was wrong when so much was. But somehow she had managed to keep it from him.

Brittany cleared her throat "Um yes this is Brittany Pierce. How is she?"

"Well, she has quite the case of PTSD, some physical scarring, and a very mild case of malnutrition and atrophy. All from the inadequate living conditions and lack of ability to move around. But she's being treated for all that. Exclusively her treatment is resolving around her cognitive behavior. This is with an anti-anxiety medication and a mild sedative. Just so she doesn't have any more outbursts." He paused briefly and Brittany decided to speak up.

"Outbursts? Like yelling and screaming…" Brittany knew all too well that Santana had an attitude, but she's also knew this was probably way different from the tantrums she was used to.

"Yelling and screaming yes. But she gets agitated very easily and noises are frightening for her. Any disturbance around her is traumatic. But I've seen worse over my years. She's lucky. She's a strong woman having been through what she has and seen what she has." Brittany took the smallest bit of comfort from that statement. She knew Santana was a strong person and it reassured her to know that her strength had gotten her through all of her pain and struggles.

"So does this mean she's coming home?" Brittany's grip around the handle of the phone tightened in preparation of the answer.

"We're still trying to get information from her and so long as she acts like she is, it looks like it could be a while. We'll make sure that you stay updated though." He briefly coughed from the other side and cleared his throat.

"Is there any way I could talk to her?" Brittany felt the nervousness in her words as they left her mouth.

"I'm afraid that's not a good idea right now. Maybe when we get her regulated and back in the swing of things. Like I said, we'll let you know. Have a good day Ms. Pierce." Then the line clicked and Brittany dropped the phone to her side. After a minute of staring into space she put it back on the receiver and continued doing the laundry.

She felt defeated, deflated, and helpless. But at least Santana was getting the help she needed. She just prayed that the help was enough…enough to actually help.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was a distant voice, but at the snap of two fingers together, Santana was pulled back into reality. Even though her memories often deceived her.

She shook her head and wiped a tear that fell from the corner of her eye.

"Ms. Lopez, can you answer my question please?" She stared at him, completely unaware that he asked her a question.

"What was it again?" Her voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper.

"Can you recall the death of Sgt. Justin Ferrell?" He positioned his pen over the yellow pad with so much writing already on it.

"Why do you wanna know? He's dead. What does it matter?" She snapped at him and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It's for the official report Ms. Lopez."

"It's Master Sgt. Lopez." She glared at Sgt. King from the other side of the table.

"Actually _Ms._ Lopez, you were officially discharged a week ago." Santana's face dropped and her chest felt heavy. Her rank that she had worked years for, hours for, three tours for, was gone. Just like that.

"Ms. Lopez can you just please answer the question? The sooner you do, the sooner we'll be done." Santana rested her head on the palm of her hand and sighed.

"I'm not gonna answer the question." She flicked him off and walked around him, exiting the room and slamming the door behind her.

She paced quickly to her room they had allotted her. She shut the door behind her and sat down heavily on the side of the cot. She buried her head in her hands and started weeping. She realized this was the first time in five years she had cried. It was a comforting release and she soon drifted into a tear stained sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What can I get you?" A middle aged, bald man across the counter asked Chris as he took off his uniform jacket and hung it over the back of the chair.

"Double whiskey, no ice." He sat down heavily and rested his head in his hands until a glass of brown liquid was placed in front of him. He picked it up and took a long sip. He let out a raspy sigh as the liquid burned his throat.

"You wanna talk about it?" The man leaned against the opposite counter and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Not much to talk about." The man smirked and moved back to the counter Chris was sitting at.

Chris took a big gulp and slammed to glass down after finishing it. "Ah, mm that burns."

"You don't drink much do you?" Chris shook his head.

"Then why today?"

"You're not a fucking therapist alright. I order a drink, you pour it. That's how this works. We don't have a fucking conversation. God, I came _here _to be in peace but it looks like that's not even gonna happen." He started to get up, but the man grabbed his arm.

"Look, I understand today's probably been shit, but I was just trying to help." He let go and walked off.

Chris slammed his fist down on the bar and yanked his jacket off of the back of the chair. He pulled out a ten dollar bill and threw it on the counter.

He stormed outside and got in his truck. That man had done nothing wrong and he had gone off on him. But what had just happened made him feel like he always felt. Brittany had done nothing wrong either, but somehow he held a resentment against her. Maybe it was the fact he loved her and she would never love him the same way. Or maybe it was the way she pretended to be happy with him when she was still miserable because Santana wasn't there. And ever since the news had been released that she was alive, Brittany had been even more distant.

Chris just didn't understand where he would be after Santana came back. Would they get back together? Would Santana be mad at him? Would Brittany stay committed to him? Would he still get to see Jacob?

All the questions nagged his mind constantly throughout the day. He was just at the point of breaking. He didn't understand, but he wanted to. Hopefully Brittany could help him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Mommy?" Jacob's head turned the corner of his mother's bedroom and he saw her sitting on the edge, clutching a piece of paper. She hadn't heard him and continued to look down as Jacob stepped further into the room. When he called her again she looked up and hastily wiped a tear from her eye.

"Hey baby, what do you need?" Jacob approached her slowly. She put the paper down on her nightstand and patted the spot next to her.

She helped him sit on the bed and then combed her fingers through his hair. "What's that?" He pointed to the paper and Brittany grabbed it.

"This is the last letter I got back from your mama. It was sent two weeks before she went missing." She held it tenderly in her hands and grazed her thumbs over Santana's perfect penmanship.

"Why were you reading it?" Brittany looked at him and she gave him a small smile.

She wondered that herself. She hadn't really thought about it. She just went and got the letter and started reading it after doing the laundry.

"I don't really know bud." She gave him an honest answer and he looked down at the paper.

"Maybe it's because you miss her." She hugged him to her side and kissed his head. He really was a perfect child.

"That's probably it." She released her gripped around him slightly and he looked up at her.

"Can you read it to me?" Brittany nodded happily. She cleared her throat and straightened the paper in front of her.

_My love, _

_I miss you...I love you. _

_You know I'm not great with words so that's pretty much it. We're moving again in a couple of days so it might take a few extra days for anything you send to get to me. _

_I can't wait to hear from you babe. _

_Love, _

_Santana _

It was short and that caught Jacob's attention. "Mommy why was it so short?"

Brittany folded the paper and put it back on the nightstand. "Jacob your mama was never much for words. She always spoke with her actions."

He cocked his head to the side "What do you mean?"

"Remember the story I told you the other night; when I hurt my ankle and she carried me three miles back home?" He nodded in remembrance. "She didn't have to tell me she loved me or that she would do anything for me. She showed me. And most of the time actions are louder than words. That was the day that made me realize I was in love with her."

Jacob smiled at her and then nodded. He hopped off the bed "Where you going?"

"I'm going to go to my room." He gave her one last smile and then walked out of her room.

"I can't wait until you see him Santana. He's so amazing." She whispered to herself and then grabbed the piece of paper and tucked it back into her drawer under her other things.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Santana?" At the sound of her name, she popped her head up and realized she had fallen asleep. She sat up on the edge and rubbed her eyes. When she looked over to the door, Puck was standing there. She almost smiled at the sight of him.

"Puckerman" She stood up and he crutched inside the doorway. "I thought you'd be dead."

"Wow, have you no faith?" He gave her a little laugh. She didn't laugh back though, her face turned and she suddenly buried her face in his uninjured shoulder and started to cry again.

He grabbed the back of her head with his hand and held her as close as he could. "I couldn't die now Lopez. Not after all that."

After a couple of minutes she calmed down and they both sat on the cot Santana had just been sleeping on.

It was quiet. Neither of them asked how the other was doing. They both knew their answers would be the same.

"They won't let me talk to her Puck." He nodded in understanding.

"I know, they won't let me make a call either." She roughly rubbed her face.

"I feel like I'm going crazy. I mean even more so because I'm free. Why can't I just go home? Why can't we all?" Puck put his hand on her back and sighed.

"Look I know this isn't ideal, but it's an improvement right?" Santana couldn't argue that. Anything was better than that dark, dirt floored room.

"I just want to talk to her." Puck rubbed her back.

"I know. But Santana you were gone five years, a lot has probably changed." Santana glared at him and he retracted his hand and showed his palms.

"Are you suggesting she moved on?" Puck shrugged.

"I'm saying it's possible. A lot of things change in time. Look at us, we look different, we think different, we act different. We're different. We're not the same Puck and Santana. Brittany is probably not going to be the same Brittany."

Santana understood fully the cost of being away five years. It _did_ give Brittany the opportunity to move on. It gave her time to stretch out on her own. But Santana wasn't worried about Brittany leaving her. They were connected. They were in love. They had a child together. Santana's fears laid there. In her child. Their child. Did the child know her? Brittany wouldn't have cut her out of it's life would she? Would the child understand the undying love she held for it without even having met or even seen it? She didn't know. And until she could get out of Iraq, she probably wouldn't.

"You're right I guess. She's not gonna be the exact same. But she's still Brittany…at least I hope she is."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Brittany, are you home?" Chris called from the front door.

Brittany didn't answer, but walked down the hall as she heard the padding of dress shoes through the house.

They met half way through the house and exchanged brief smiles. Chris moved closer and gave her a very brief kiss. Brittany winced but tried not to show her dismay.

"Chris, have you been drinking?" He yanked off his jacket and threw it on the couch.

"I had _a_ drink, yes." He walked around the couch, sat down and stretched out.

"And you thought it was a good idea to drive?" Brittany walked around and stood in front of him.

"I'm not drunk Britt. I'm perfectly okay to drive." She rolled her eyes.

"That's _not_ the point Chris. You're still intoxicated and if the MP's had pulled you over or noticed at the gate, you could have been arrested. And then discharged. And then you would be in jail and without a job. What would we do then?" She crossed her arms over her chest and Chris smirked.

"_We_" He pointed at the both of them "would be in the same place. Just without my lousy paycheck."

Brittany gave him a glare and he got up. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, who am I to you Brittany? A roommate that you every now and again have sex with? A guy that randomly gives you flowers and kisses you on the cheek? Or how about a friend, as you refer to me as when you're talking to Jacob? I'm tired of being treated like I'm nothing to you except a hug when you need one."

He started to walk off when Brittany grabbed his hand. "Chris" She barely whispered out his name. "You're not my roommate and you're not a random guy. But you _are_ my friend. You're more than my friend most of the time. And I love you, I do. But you have to understand that all the progress I made in our relationship has just been put on hold because my fiancé is alive. I'm sorry if that somehow messes with your ego or your emotions, but I can't pretend like she's not going to come back anymore, because this time she really is." He looked at her and nodded. He let go of her hand and grabbed his jacket.

"I'm going to stay the night at Steve's. I just need some time to think…and you do too." Brittany nodded and bit her bottom lip.

"Just be careful" He gave her nod and then walked to the front door and left.

Brittany sat down heavily of the couch and sighed. What was she going to do? She loved Chris didn't she? He had helped her so much throughout the past five years. He had helped with Jacob and the bills and with Brittany's emotional state. He had given her a life after Santana. A life without Santana. And it was a life she managed to live. She absentmindedly floated through her days and lived comfortably. She settled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hello Santana" Santana rolled her eyes and sighed.

Her therapy session with Dr. Hughes had just started and she was already over it. She just wanted to be alone and not talk. But she also knew that wouldn't get her home any faster.

"Hello Dr. Huge." He shook his head and set his clipboard down on the table next to him.

"You are aware my name is Dr. _Hughes_ right?" Santana rolled her eyes yet again at him. He just sighed and pushed up his glasses. "I'm glad you're feeling comical today. It's progress I suppose."

She shrugged "Can I ask you a question doc?" He nodded and leaned forward as if to hear the answer better. "When can I go home?"

The corners of his lips tightened and he sat back. "That's totally up to you Santana. You're the decider of your own destiny."

"If I was the decider of my own fucking destiny, would I be sitting here right now? No. I'd be at home. With my wife and child." Her voice remained calm. Dr. Hughes expected an outburst, but noted that her not having one was progress. She was learning to manage her emotions again.

"That's not what I meant. I meant, you joined the Army. You knew the risks. You also decided to enter a relationship and have a child under the circumstances of your lifestyle choices. It is life yes, but ultimately _you_ made all the decisions that led _you_ here." He tapped the chair edge with his pointer finger.

Santana just stayed quiet and messed with the hem of her shirt. "Santana let me ask _you_ a question" She met his eyes and he pointed at her. "What are you going to do when you get home? What do you think life is going to be for you when you get back?"

She thought about a strong answer before saying anything "That's actually two questions doc but I'll answer them both." He smirked at her smartass reply. "I want to see Brittany and my child. I know that that's my main priority. Reconnection. I've thought a lot about it. I know things will be different. But I have to try. I have to know where I stand."

He let her think about her answer and then spoke "That was a good answer, but I'm talking about more than your love life and your family life. I'm talking about that and more. Life in general. How will you handle adjustment? Emotional, physically, mentally, spiritually? Santana you have been through so much and from my professional stand point you should be admitted to a psych ward in the US for your own protection and for proper treatment. But personally, I just want to send you home to your family because I know you're a strong woman. You're determined and that's what going to get you through this, not drugs or white sheets and four walls."

Inside Santana wanted to scream. She wanted to go off on this man and tell him that he knew nothing about her. He didn't know her life. He didn't know how she felt. But that was just it…he did. He was trained to read her and know her. And he had her files. Everything ever recorded was read. He told her that when she was first brought in and examined.

"So where do I stand? Behind white walls or at home?" Dr. Hughes picked up his notebook, scribbled in it and then closed it and took off his glasses.

"I'll think about that." He stood up and walked right in front of Santana. He handed her a piece of paper and then walked out of the room. The soldier standing in the corner walked over and helped her up and back to her room.

She sat on her cot and read the piece of paper. He had granted her a phone call. She wanted to cry but instead, she got up and walked all the way to the main operation desk in the medical center. She handed the paper to the clerk and he stood and offered her the chair and showed her the phone. She remembered Brittany's cell by heart and dialed the number as quickly as she could. She just hoped with everything that Brittany still had the same number, and that she would answer the call.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

She heard the patter of feet walking through the house and smiled as her son soon appeared in the kitchen and sleepily rubbed his eyes. "Good morning sleepy head" She leaned down and picked him up. She squeezed him tight and kissed the side of his head. "Did you sleep well?" He nodded and rested his head on her shoulder. "Well how about some pancakes for breakfast?"

A voice came from behind her and startled her "That sounds perfect" Then a pair of hand wrapped around her waist. Those hands felt so familiar, but they were soon absent and her son was being tugged out of her arms. She turned around and saw Santana standing there holding their child. It looked so natural. She looked perfect. She was wearing the same clothes she was wearing before she left. She looked the exact same as she did_ that_ morning.

She took a step forward and reached out to touch her but she couldn't reach. Another step and Santana seemed to be getting farther and farther away. Before she knew it she was walking and then running. But Santana wasn't moving, she was just standing there in the kitchen, holding Jacob and rubbing his back. She started crying out, but it was no use. She felt the tears running down her face and she stopped running. "Santana…"

/

Brittany jolted awake and sat up in bed. She was breathing heavily like she had been running and she was wet with tears and sweat. She turned her head and saw Chris sitting on the bed next to her. He had a concerned look on his face and moved his hand to her lap. "It was just a dream."

"Yeah…it just seemed so real. She was right in front of me. I could feel her hands, I could smell her." Chris tried to hide his dismay but Brittany caught it. "Sorry…I've just…I haven't dreamt of her like that before. Not since she's been missing."

"It's okay Britt." He moved the hair in her face behind her ears and kissed her forehead. "You should shower. I'm going to fix Jacob some breakfast." She nodded and he got up and left the room.

She rubbed her face with her hands and slowly got out of bed. She got in the shower like Chris suggested and took her time getting ready.

When she finally walked out of her room and into the kitchen, Jacob ran up to her. "Good morning"

"Morning J." She squatted and kissed his cheeks and forehead. He smiled at her and she ruffled his hair as she stood up. Chris was sitting at the table watching them and pointed to the tea he had fixed her just a moment earlier. She smiled and joined him. Jacob sat back in his chair and continued eating his eggs and toast.

"What are you going to do today?" Brittany asked as she played with the string of the tea bag.

"Well I was hoping you'd let me spend the day with you and J. Maybe we could go see a movie and eat lunch out and go to the park." He smiled lightly at her and she nodded slowly.

"That sounds nice, but I have errands to run and I need to talk to Quinn. You should take Jacob out though, I'm sure he would enjoy that." She glanced at him and he nodded eagerly.

"Okay." He said quietly and sipped his coffee.

They all sat in quiet until Jacob finished his food and got up to put his dish in the sink. "Chris can we go now?"

"Uhh yeah sure buddy. Go get changed and then we'll go." Jacob ran off towards him room.

"Just be careful Chris." He nodded and put his mug in the sink.

"What? You don't trust me with him now?" Brittany pinched the bridge of her nose.

"That's not what I said." He sat back down and put his shoes on.

"That's sure how it sounded." He briefly made eye contact with her.

"Chris you came home after drinking and driving last night. Pardon me if I'm a little worried." Chris stood up and shook his head.

"I would never hurt Jacob. You know that. I love him like he's my son." Brittany stood up and crossed the distance of the table to stand in front of him.

"I know you do. And I know you wouldn't hurt him on purpose. I'm just saying yesterday's decision you made wasn't the smartest and it makes me think about the safety of my son." Chris nodded and looked over Brittany and into the distance.

"I understand. And I'm sorry. About last night. What I said was a little uncalled for." Brittany touched his arms and moved her hands down to hold his. This made him reconnect his eyes with hers.

"It wasn't untrue Chris. You don't have to hide your feelings." He nodded and leaned down to kiss her.

They pulled apart as the sound of Jacob's feet on the floor surfaced. "We'll see you later." He kissed her cheek and then grabbed his keys.

Jacob hugged his mother's waist and then followed Chris out of the door.

Brittany sighed and took her cup of tea, that she hadn't touched, and placed it into the sink after dumping it out.

She touched her pocket that she usually slipped her phone into and noticed it wasn't there. She needed to call Quinn. She looked around the kitchen but couldn't find it. When she moved into the living room, it was sitting on the arm of the couch. She must have left it there last night.

She turned it on and found that she had a missed call and voice mail from an overseas number. She cursed herself because it was probably something involving Santana. But she wondered because she had never received a call on her cell phone, just the landline.

She pressed the little play symbol next to the voicemail and it started. The background was kind of fuzzy but a voice finally appeared. Her heart dropped at the sound of a very hoarse but very familiar voice.

"_Hey Britt"_

**Stay tuned for another chapter, hopefully soon! Thank you for all the amazing support you've given me and for waiting and sticking with me. **

**PLEASE REVIEW! And follow and favorite! The more you do, the more it'll help me write believe it or not! **

**And thanks to my friend and beta, treecklove. I probably just would have quit without her **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! So a new chapter? YAY! Finally right? I really hope that you like it, I worked really hard on it and tried my best to move things ahead. **

**Thank you to the people who have left encouraging words for me to continue this story. I honestly appreciate it more than you'll ever know. And another thank you to the people that helped me develop this chapter! you know who you are :)**

**Hope enjoy!**

"_Hey Britt"_

Brittany brought her hand to her mouth and closed her eyes at the sound of her voice. There was a brief pause and it sounded like Santana was letting out a slow breath.

"_I…I feel like I have so much to say but now that I've been given the chance…I have nothing. I'm speechless I guess." _

She paused again and Brittany let out a sigh. It was a relief to hear Santana's voice even if it sounded different and damaged. It comforted her to know that it was actually Santana talking to her, but it was also sad. Brittany felt the pain and difference in her voice. It was full of dismay which wasn't like her.

"_The doctors are all over me, asking me questions that I can't answer because I don't know how. I just…I can't wait to be home. I can't wait to see you and our child. You're all I think about. I lo-"_

The voicemail was abruptly cut off and Brittany slowly pulled the phone away from her ear. She immediately tried re-dialing the number. Maybe they would let her talk to her since she got to try to call first.

It rang once and a man with a very stern voice picked up, "Medical desk: U.S. Embassy Iraq. This is Corporal Archer speaking."

"Hi my name is Brittany Pierce. I received a call from Santana Lopez on this number about nine hours ago. I need to talk to her but I missed the call. Is there any way I could do that?"

She barely finished her statement before he gave her an answer. "It's late. She's probably asleep and even if she wasn't I'm not authorized to let her make a call."

Brittany sighed in frustration. She had been through this a million times it seemed. They never had a heart when it came to protocol. It was even stricter overseas.

"Can you give her a message or tell her I called back then? Maybe I could talk to Dr. Hughes and explain…"

She didn't have time to say anything else before her cut her off yet again. "That's not an option either. There's no way I can further assist you Ms. Pierce. Have a nice day."

The line went dead and she angrily threw her phone on the counter. She ran her fingers through her hair roughly and gripped her golden locks tightly between her fingers.

"Fuck….Fuck…" She yelled to herself. After a couple of deep breaths she picked her phone back up and dialed Quinn's number.

After a few rings the line picked up and a very tired voice came through "Hello?"

"Hey, can you meet me at Bryers?" Brittany tapped her fingers against the counter top.

Quinn grunted and sighed "Yeah sure. I'll be there at 11."

"See you then." Brittany pulled the phone away from her ear and set it on the counter. Maybe her best friend could give her advice or comfort.

XXXXXXXXXXX

An hour and a half later Brittany found herself sitting across from Quinn with a cup of tea resting warmly between her hands.

"So what's up? I'm assuming it has something to do with Santana." Quinn rested her chin in her hand and stared at Brittany, waiting for her to answer.

Brittany smirked and shook her head in the slightest, not finding Quinn's bitchiness appealing. "Yes it's about Santana. She called me."

_That _caught Quinn's attention and her body stiffened, eager to hear more. "And? What did she say? What did you talk about? Did you tell Jacob? Did he talk to her?"

Brittany cut her off, "No Quinn. I didn't even get to talk to her. It was a voice mail. I left my phone in the living room and with the time differences I didn't get the call."

Quinn sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. She could tell Brittany was conflicted about what had happened. "What did she say?"

"She told me that she was being asked a lot of questions that she couldn't answer and that she just really wanted to come home and be with me and Jacob. The line got cut off as she was telling me she loved me." Brittany's voice got shaky and she took a moment to keep herself from spilling into tears.

"Did you call back?" Brittany nodded.

"I tried but they wouldn't even let me leave a message to say I got the voicemail." Quinn bit her bottom lip.

They sat quietly and watched people outside of the large window walk past by Bryers. Quinn broke the silence. "Brittany, how do you feel about what Santana said?" Brittany finished taking a sip of tea and set her mug down.

"I don't know how to feel about it. I mean, I want her back here. I want her home. I love her. But it terrifies me to think that she's not the same person she was. I could tell from the moment she said my name, nothing is going to be the same. I started thinking about Jacob and how he might miss out on all the amazing things I described Santana as. He's not going to know who I told him his mother was." Brittany pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. The pressure was building in the back of her eyes and a tear fell onto her cheek.

"Britt don't cry. Please." Quinn got up and moved to the seat next to Brittany's. She rubbed her back slowly "Look, Santana's not going to be the same, you're right. But we're not the same either. Everyone changes over time. It's inevitable. But what's to say that if she hadn't of gone missing that she wouldn't have changed anyway?"

Brittany wiped her few tears on her sleeve and made eye contact with Quinn. "I'm afraid I'm not going to love her anymore."

"If there's one thing in this world I'm certain of, it's that you two are meant to love each other and be together. Whether that's being married and growing old, or just being best friends for the rest of your days. Where that goes is kind of up to you, if you know what I mean." Quinn took her hand off of Brittany's back and clasped it with the other in her lap.

Brittany knew exactly what she meant. Chris. What was she going to do about her relationship with him? She couldn't just break up with him right? But she had to at least see if there was potential with Santana again. Was she really just wanting him as a fall back? Could she ever love him in the way she loved Santana? All of these where questions that pondered through her mind every day. She knew that answers to none of them.

"What would you do?" Brittany sniffed and cleared nose.

Quinn took a deep breath and released it slowly "I'd keep my distance. From Chris and from Santana. Everyone needs to get acquainted with the situation before anything else happens."

"That's it?" Quinn shrugged and got up from her chair.

"I'm not you Brittany. What you and I think of as right and wrong are two completely different sets of ideals. You need to do what you feel in your gut. My suggestion is to not hold back. Do what you gotta do." She leaned over and kissed her check lightly. "I need to get ready for work. But call me if you need anything else."

"Okay." Brittany gave her a weak smile and a small wave as Quinn collected her things and left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Here ya go bud" Chris sat next to Jacob on a bench and handed him his hotdog. Jacob took it cautiously and set it in his lap. He looked down at it but didn't touch it. "What's up J? You said you were hungry."

Small shoulders rose and fell as he shrugged. Chris put his hotdog beside his leg and turned more so to face the small boy sitting next to him. "Come on, you can tell me."

Jacob looked up at him with a sad expression and it worried Chris to know that something was bothering Jacob so fervently. He shook his shoulder lightly and playfully, trying to shake whatever answer out of him.

Jacob smiled in the smallest "I miss mommy."

"You just saw her a couple of hours ago." Jacob nodded in agreement but continued.

"I know. But I miss her. She used to tell me stories when she tucked me in, but now she doesn't. We don't even play games anymore." Jacob concentrated his eyes, yet again, on the hot dog sitting in his lap. He poked at the paper wrapper and then picked it up to take a bite.

"Jacob, your mother is still herself. She just has a lot going on right now. Some things have happened and she just needs time to cope with them. You understand that don't you?" Chris put his hand on Jacob's back and the boy nodded, taking another bite of his hotdog. "You see, the hotdog is like the problem." Chris pointed at the food in Jacob's hand. "It seems like a lot at first, but once you take a few bites, it eventually disappears and everything's good because you don't feel empty anymore."

Jacob looked up at Chris again and was smiling largely this time. Chris smiled back, happy to have put the boy he loved like his own in a better mood. He picked up his own hotdog and tried to dissolve the problems he felt.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Brittany began to set the table as she heard the front door open. The light pattering on the wooden floors followed, and soon her son appeared in the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around her legs and held on tight. She smiled and rubbed his back before making him let go so she could pick him up.

"Hey baby. How was your day with Chris?" He buried his head into her shoulder and hugged her neck tight. She smiled, cherishing every second of it.

"It was ok. I missed you." She kissed his cheek and continued to rub his back.

Chris walked into the kitchen and her face dropped slightly. She gave him a half-hearted smile, which he returned in the same. "J, why don't you go get cleaned up and ready for dinner?"

Brittany set him down and he ran off towards the hall. Chris pulled out a chair and sat at the table. "How was your day?"

"It was alright." Brittany grabbed the plates and placed them on the table. As she placed one in front of Chris, he grabbed her hand. He stood up and pulled her closer to him, wrapping his hands around her waist and pushing their bodies together. He kissed her cheek lightly and then looked down at her.

"Just alright?" Brittany rested her hands on his chest.

"I got a call…from Santana." Chris' eyes went wide, waiting for more. "I didn't actually talk to her. It was a voicemail."

"That's pretty intense Britt. What did she say?" Brittany picked at the fabric of his shirt.

"She's being questioned. But all she wants is to come home." Chris nodded in acknowledgement and brought one hand up to push hair behind Brittany's ear.

"What about you? What are you thinking?" Brittany shrugged, not wanting to tell him how she felt. "Come on, tell me." He took her hands from his chest and stepped back.

"I don't know…" Chris sighed and dropped her hands.

"Brittany, just tell me. Stop going around this. It's only gonna be worse the longer you wait." He locked his fingers behind his neck and looked at the floor.

"What's going to be worse?" Brittany stepped closer to him and made him relax his stance.

"You leaving me. I know you're still in love with Santana, you just need to admit that to yourself." Brittany hit her forehead with the heel of her palm and shook her head.

"I'm with you Chris." Chris smiled slightly at how funny it sounded.

"You can't look me in the eye and tell me you love me more than Santana. You can't tell me that when Santana comes back that you won't love her in the same way, maybe even more if that's possible. You can't tell me you're not still in love with her." Chris leaned up against a counter and slid his hand over his face.

Brittany took a second and the walked in front of him and took both of his hands in hers. His head lifted to look her in the eye. "Chris, I'm never going to feel the same things I felt with Santana with you. And yes, I still love her. But I love you too. You've been my hero. You've done so much for Jacob and I that's it's impossible to repay you. But that's not why I'm with you. I'm with you because you're the nicest guy I've ever met. You go above and beyond in everything you do and you care regardless of the circumstances." His body seemed to relax so Brittany dropped his hands and draped her arms over his shoulders. "I'm with you because I want to be. I have no idea what's going to happen when she gets back. But I know that whatever it is, I don't want to lose you. Whether that's as my boyfriend or just my friend."

Chris gave her a one-corner smile "I love you Brittany."

She kissed him briefly and then rested her forehead against his "I love you too."

Just as he was about to kiss her back, Jacob ran into the kitchen and slid across the floor in his socks. They smiled over at him and started laughing.

Brittany felt like every word that had come out of her mouth was a lie, but she knew she meant most of it. She did love Chris and she wanted him in her life. She needed him, Jacob needed him. But Santana needed someone too.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So Santana, how are you doing today?" Dr. Hughes settled in his chair and waited for Santana to answer.

Santana had been working on this answer. She wanted to make another call desperately.

"I'm doing pretty well considering." Dr. Hughes took off his glasses, not believing that Santana actually answered his question without hesitation or a smart-ass remark.

"Considering what?" Santana sat forward, rested her elbows on her knees, and picked at her nails.

"Well, I'm still here. I'm not home." Dr. Hughes nodded in acknowledgment but stayed silent giving Santana the chance to further her answer. "And I made that phone call."

The doctor raised his eyebrow and noted her response on his papers.

"Who did you call?"

"Brittany, my fiancé."

"How did it go?"

"It didn't. She didn't answer. I left a voicemail though." Dr. Hughes set his notepad down next to him and mocked Santana's position.

"Santana, do you know why I gave you a phone call?"

"Umm because I'm making progress?" She was pretty sure of her answer and it came out sarcastic.

"Not quite. I mean, you are making progress to some degree but that's not why I granted you the call. You see, it's typical of PTSD patients to be narrow minded. Usually focusing on a particularity happy or joyful time in one's life helps them overcome some of the trauma they've experienced or helps them overlook it for the time being. I gave you that phone call to see what steps you would take and to measure how much progression you've made in coping with the situation at hand." He paused briefly, letting Santana catch up on what he was saying. "The sergeant at the desk called me when you left the desk and I recorded the amount of time it took you to rush to the phone. And according to my record, it took you 13 minutes to get to that phone. Now, from my analysis of your condition, I expected this. It just confirms my suspicions that you're not trying to deal with you cognitive trauma. In other words, you're pushing away what you're feeling or remembering, and focusing solely on what you think is going to make it all better. In this case, it's Brittany."

Santana broke eye contact and felt violated. She stared at the floor "So you're saying I'm not going home soon."

Dr. Hughes shook his head in disappointment "Santana I didn't say one thing about you going home or not going home. I just specifically told you that you're not owning up to what's happening to you. You're going around it and you need to stop in order to get better."

"Well I'm sorry if I don't want to re-live the things that happened to me." Santana clasped her hands together and her knuckles started to turn white from the pressure.

"I'm not asking you to re-live them. I'm asking you to deal with them. You're having trouble accepting that this actually happened to you."

"I know what I went through Dr. Dipshit. I don't need you telling me that I'm fucking avoiding it. I know I am. But I think I have a damn good reason. So fuck you and your psycho-analysis bullshit."

She got up and kicked the table between the two chairs over. The guard in the corner immediately intervened, but as soon as he wrapped his arms strategically around her chest and waist, she brought her elbow up and felt his nose crush under the pressure. Blood gushed down his face and shirt, and Santana pushed him to the ground, where he fell clutching his nose in pain.

Santana quickly snapped out of her haze when she felt a sharp sting in her neck. She looked over and saw Dr. Hughes shooting something in a long needle into her body. A few seconds later, she went into another haze. One where she would sleep until Dr. Hughes decided she was capable of not being sedated anymore.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Brittany sat at the kitchen table and stared at a picture she held in her hands. Her thumb lightly rubbed over one corner and a slight smile crept over her face, along with a tear. She looked up to find Chris walking out from the hallway.

"Britt it's three in the morning, why are you still up?" He rubbed his eyes and squinted at the small amount of light coming from a lamp in the corner.

When she didn't answer, he sat across from her at the table and shivered from the coldness of the chair against his bare back. "Is something wrong?"

Brittany shook her head and laid the photograph down so Chris could see what she was looking at. His long arm reached across and slid the picture in front of him. His heart dropped and he swallowed hard.

It was a picture of Brittany and Santana holding a pregnancy test. Both of them had the widest, happiest smiles across their faces. Brittany was smiling at the camera, wrapped in Santana's arms. And Santana, dressed in her fatigues, was holding Brittany from behind at the waist and staring at Brittany with a smile on her face. It was pure love. Chris had never seen anything like it.

"That was taken after I told her I was pregnant. She was so happy. She didn't stop smiling." Chris looked away and slid the photo back to Brittany, who picked it up and kept staring at it. "We were starting a family."

"You have a family Britt." They made eye contact as Brittany looked up. Chris was begging her to see him as more than she was. But she shook her head.

"That same day she told me she was getting deployed. It didn't really feel like that would change anything though. We were so happy." Brittany looked back down and set the picture on the table. "Santana has always been my family. I've loved her for as long as I can remember and we've been through everything together." She looked back up and reconnect their eyes. "If there's the slightest chance we can get through this, I'll take it. I can't do this to her. She's my one and only. She's my one true love and no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to love you like I love her."

Chris nodded weakly and brought his hand to his forehead. "I'm so sorry Chris." He waved her off and stood up. He walked over to the counter and grabbed his keys before slamming the front door behind him. Brittany jumped at the abruptly loud noise and got up from her chair. She picked up her picture and carried it to the couch with her.

She was about to lay down when her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out slowly and unlocked it as she brought it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Is this Ms. Pierce?" Brittany straighten up and sat on the edge of the couch.

"Yes this is she. Is this Dr. Hughes?" She pushed her hair back and sighed.

"Yes. Ms. Pierce I told you I would keep you informed with an update on Ms. Lopez. I wanted to call and tell you that we had to sedate her." Brittany's heart dropped and she felt tears in the back of her eyes.

"Why did you have to do that?" Her voice shook. All she could picture was Santana unconscious in a hospital bed.

"She became very violent very quickly. And she attacked one of our guards. I thought it might be best at least until we can transport her back to the States."

"So you're sending her home?" Brittany's voice lifted with the hope the doctor had just given her.

"I've arranged for her to be admitted in a hospital near Fort Bragg. I think her treatment will go better if she has more of a reason to get better. Right now, she's only focused on getting home instead of her recovery." Brittany smiled and almost started crying in happiness.

"I…I don't know what to say….thank you Dr. Hughes." Brittany brought her trembling hand to her mouth.

"I wouldn't thank me Ms. Pierce. But never-the-less I'll have someone contact you about when she will touch down in North Carolina. Have a good night." Brittany dropped the phone from her ear and picked up her picture.

"You're coming home Santana. You're coming home…"

**So things are moving along right?! I'll try to be decent about the next chapter but no promises! Thank you guys again!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! And follow and favorite! I love reading an feedback you might have to offer! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm back with a new chapter! It's been long enough, right? **

**I'm so very grateful for all of your that reviewed and PM-ed me with words of encouragement and told me to keep going! It honestly means more than you know to have people supporting me and reading my material and actually enjoying it! So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you! **

**This chapter is dedicated to heyamustbereal! Your review pushed me to continue on because my work means something! So thank you! **

**And another shoutout to those who pre-read and betaed for me! You know how you are! **

**Hope you enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or its characters. **

"Good Afternoon Ms. Lopez." Santana ignored the man in the white coat and continued flipping through her magazine. "We're not going to get very far if you don't talk."

"Just sedate me again. That seems to solve a lot of problems." She didn't look up as she spoke.

"Santana…" Dr. Hughes warned her lightly.

"Richard." She warned him back. He moved closer to her bedside and set a chart down on her nightstand table.

"Santana, I need to talk to you."

"You always need to talk to me." She briefly glanced up and then returned her focus to the magazine.

"Do you know where you are?"

Santana closed her magazine and threw it at the foot of her bed. "I'm assuming Germany. But I don't know because no one will answer me when I ask."

"Yes, not getting answers is frustrating, no?" He let Santana soak in the irony before continuing. He sighed and then took a seat in the chair beside her bed.

Santana looked over at him to see, not a smile, but a concerned look on his face. She could tell that he was unsteady as to how to tell her what he needed to. "Am I dying or are you just breaking the doctor-patient professionalism barrier?"

"You're in North Carolina at the Womack Army Medical Center."

She took a minute to process the information. Dr. Hughes studied her movement and thought he had anticipated her next question but he found himself wrong.

"Why?"

"Why what?" He stood up and moved to her bedside once again.

"I thought you said I wasn't ready to come back." She made eye contact with him.

"I thought you said you wanted to come back." He gave her an incomplete but honest answer.

"I'm not saying that I don't wanna be here." Santana's posture slumped in the slightest.

"I know."

They shared a moment of silence. Dr. Hughes let Santana think about her next question, knowing now what it would be.

"When can I see Brittany? Does she know that I'm here?" Dr. Hughes, slightly frustrated, sighed.

"She was notified that you were being brought back to the States, yes." Santana leaned her neck forward, listening for Dr. Hughes to continue.

"And…" She looked up at him.

"I need to talk to her before I can let her see you." Santana rolled her eyes and sat back.

"Why?"

"Because it's protocol." This was the only answer Dr. Hughes gave and to Santana it wasn't enough. "I'm going to have a nurse take you to physical therapy. We need to get you moving around."

She ignored him and he walked out of the room. A few minutes later, as promised, a nurse came in with a wheelchair. She helped Santana out of bed and then rolled her down the hall to the elevator. As the elevator beeped, a hand rested on her shoulder.

Her heart rate skyrocketed and she leapt out of the wheelchair. Her fists clenched but when she looked up, she let out a deep breath. "Quinn…"

XXXXXX

"Ms. Pierce"

At the sound of her name, Brittany's head popped up and she got on her feet. A tall, mid-aged man with salt and peppered hair walked up to her and held out his hand. She took it and shook it. "It's nice to finally meet you, Ms. Pierce. I'm Richard Hughes, Ms. Lopez's attending doctor. "

"Dr. Hughes, it's nice to meet you too." Brittany gave him a brief smile.

"Thank you for meeting with me on such short notice. I hope it didn't inconvenience you." Brittany vividly shook her head.

"No, not at all! I'm very relieved you called." Brittany had been waiting by the phone all night. She had been ready, as soon as the phone rang, to get in her car and drive to wherever Santana was.

Dr. Hughes led Brittany to his office and took a seat behind his desk as Brittany took a seat across from him. "How are you today, Ms. Pierce?"

Brittany's posture was erected and she swallowed hard "I'd be a lot better if I knew Santana was okay."

"Santana is doing well all things considered. She's being taken to physical therapy as we speak." Brittany nodded, waiting for him to continue. "She's still dealing with a great deal of physical fatigue. It's from her lack of mobility over time. But she's very determined and she'll regenerate quickly." He clicked his pen and wrote a few notes before looking back up to Brittany. "I want you to know that Ms. Lopez isn't the way you probably remember her both physically and mentally. Her last physical exam before she was deployed showed her body weight at 132.5 pounds. Most recently when she was brought in she weighed 99.7 pounds. Her body fat levels dropped from twenty percent to nine and a half percent. Now, since she been recovering, she has gained ten pounds and one and a half percent more body fat. We have her on a strict, loaded diet, and during the time she was sedated we put her on a feeding tube and IV drip to continue her nourishment."

All Brittany could do was nod. "I understand how hard this must be for you. But I can assure you that we're going to do everything we can for you and your family."

"I appreciate that Dr. Hughes." He gave her a faint smile.

"These questions might seem personal, but any information is helpful. Is that alright?" Brittany nodded in confirmation.

"Can you tell me how you and Santana met?" Brittany smiled in the slightest and relaxed at the comfort the question brought.

"She was in my second grade class. One day we were sitting at lunch and she took my fruit snacks from my lunch box. I didn't talk to her for the rest of the week and on Monday she brought a whole box of fruit snacks and gave them to me. She told me that she didn't like it when I didn't talk to her and that she would never do anything to make me mad again." Brittany laughed a little on the inside. Santana had been so naive to think that she would never make Brittany mad again. But if there's one thing Santana knew how to do, it was how to make it up.

"When did you start being more than friends?" Dr. Hughes continued writing his notes.

"We started having feelings for each other as soon as we realized that that's what we were feeling. But we became a couple in our first year of high school." Brittany started going through their first kiss, their first time walking down the hallway holding hands, and their first time being intimate together. They were memories that she was happy to open up and remember for the first time in a long time.

"I see, and what about your child. Santana constantly mentions it." Brittany smiled and shook her head.

"His name is Jacob. Jacob Andres Pierce-Lopez. He's four and a half." Dr. Hughes shared her smile as she reached across his desk to hand him her phone. On the screen was a picture of an adorable, raven haired boy with olive skin. He was smiling widely and looked as though he was laughing.

"He's a cute kid. He looks remarkably like Santana. Did you use her egg for insemination?" Brittany took her phone back.

"No, we used mine but we picked the closest donor to Santana as we could find. He's so much like her it's scary at times."

"I can imagine that might be a strange sense of comfort…" Dr. Hughes looked up to see her reaction.

"He's the reason I'm still here. I owe everything to our son."

"I'd like to meet him as well. Have you told him Santana is here?" Brittany shook her head.

"He knows who she is but I haven't told him that she's here." Dr. Hughes made a note of it and then closed him notebook and sat back.

"You should tell him before I talk to him. That is, if you're okay with me talking to him."

"Of course. I think it would be good for him to talk to someone while all this is happening. I'm just afraid he's going to get his hopes up…" Dr. Hughes leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desktop.

"I'm afraid there's no hope for his expectations. Santana is different from the person you remember. She's traumatized and aggressive. He's going to have to adjust, just like you will." Brittany felt pressure behind her eyes. "Does Santana have any family that we should contact? She doesn't have anyone listed besides you."

"Her parents practically disowned her when she enlisted. They didn't agree with her decisions. Her younger sister died in an accident when they were younger. I'm the only family she said she ever had."

"And yourself? Do you have a support system? Family, friends, significant other?" A pang of guilt ran through her body hearing that last part.

"My parents died when I was twenty. They were in a boating accident. And my younger brother is completing his residency in California. But my best friend, Quinn Fabray, she's Jacob's godmother. She's been our friend since high school. She's family." Dr. Hughes nodded, expecting her to continue. She took his hint "I started seeing someone about two years ago. But I broke up with him recently."

"Why? Tell me about that relationship." He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest.

"He was one of the men who told me Santana was missing. He kept me updated and helped me out when I needed it. After three years we started dating, and about a year ago he moved in. He's good with Jacob and would do anything for him. I broke up with him because he deserves to be with someone who can love him back. I love Santana and I'm not ready to give up on that." Brittany knew she could go on for days about why she done what she did. She had no regrets about her decision. It felt right.

"I can respect that." Dr. Hughes stood up and walked around to the front of his desk and leaned against it. "I think that's enough questions for you today. Do you have any for me?"

"When can I see her?" Dr. Hughes smiled and shook his head. Santana and Brittany shared a mind when it came to that question.

"I need to check on her after her therapy. But if she seems stable, I don't see any reason you can't visit for a few minutes this evening. That's not a promise but we'll just have to see." Brittany gave him a wide smile.

"Thank you Dr. Hughes." She stood up and shook his hand.

He told her to wait around for a little while and he would notify her as soon as he made his assessment. She thanked him again and made her way outside to get some fresh air.

She couldn't pinpoint the feelings that she was experiencing. It was joy and happiness, excitement. But it was also nervousness and fear to some extent. She was afraid because it had been so long and so much had happened. But she knew that she loved Santana. And hopefully that love was enough to carry them through this.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Fabray, what the hell do you think you're doing?" The blonde nurse turned around and saw Dr. Hughes storming down the hallway. She turned back to Santana and rolled her eyes before standing up and facing the approaching doctor.

"Get Lopez to her room. I'm writing you up for this." Quinn sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn't content with punishment, but she understood why he was upset.

"Dr. Hughes, Santana is one of my best friends. Sorry I was surprised to see her alive after five years."

He relaxed slightly but stood his ground "You broke protocol."

"I know" Quinn stated confidentially.

"Go home. You're done today. I'll get Ms. Lopez to her room."

"Dr. Hughes." Quinn was almost pleading for an argument. She was angry, but not at anyone that was within the country. She was trying to exasperate her anger, but it was most definitely on the wrong person.

"This is a military hospital, do I need to have you escorted out?" Dr. Hughes knew what she was doing and warned her sternly.

"No" She sharply answered him. When he looked at her intently she answered him again. "No, sir." She then turned back to Santana, who had a look of fiery on her face. "I'll see you soon."

"I'll be here." Santana pulling sarcasm made Quinn smile. She touched her shoulder gently as she passed and then she walked down the hall.

Dr. Hughes and Santana traded heated looks between them. "Let's get you back to your room." He walked around her and started wheeling her towards the elevator. Once back in her room, he helped her into bed.

"Brittany is here to see you." He stated declaratively and put his hands in his pockets.

Santana froze and dropped any hesitation she had against the man by her bedside. "You're going to let me see her?"

"Very briefly, but yes…" He had never seen his patient smile, and internally it made him smile to see her happy by his choice. "She'll be up shortly." He grabbed the wheelchair and walked out of the room.

Santana's heart began to race in her chest. She watched every second on the clock on the wall pass until the door cracked open and a familiar body walked in.

"Santana…" Brittany sighed out her name and rushed to her bedside. She paused for a moment and then fell into Santana, wrapping her arms tightly around her. Santana relaxed and rested her head on Brittany's shoulder. The smell of her was intoxicating and was just like she remembered it.

Brittany softly sobbed and Santana ran her hands up and down her back. It still felt the same. Just like it had the day they said see you later, soon.

Everything bad that had happened was gone in that moment. Santana let go of it all and absorbed as much of Brittany as she could; fearing it might be some twisted dream.

They stayed, holding each other, for a while and Brittany felt Santana's back quivering from the exhaustion of holding her weight. She pulled away just enough to let Santana know to lay back. Santana laid back and grabbed both of Brittany's hands in her own.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Santana's voice was soft and hoarse. There was a spark in her eye, but it wasn't the same one Brittany was used to seeing when Santana looked at her. It was dull and distant.

Looking her up and down, Brittany took in what Dr. Hughes warned her about along with all the things she immediately came to miss. Her hair, once thick, black mane, was now dry and dull. The Latina skin that used to glow, was now gray. She was sunk in and thin…too thin.

But despite all the thing that had changed, Brittany still saw her as she always had, beautiful.

A tear fell on Brittany's cheek and Santana took her hand and wiped it away. Brittany leaned into her touch and kissed her wrist. "Don't cry Britt."

"I'm not." Santana's ears rang as they heard Brittany's sweet voice. She smiled and kept her hand on Brittany's neck.

"Saying I missed you would be an understatement huh?" Brittany chuckled and nodded, still teary eyed. She looked down at their hands, finger intertwined. "Tell me what you're thinking." This was never a question Brittany had to answer before.

"I love you…I love you so much." Santana smiled at her.

"I love you too." They embraced again and when they pulled apart, shared a kiss. It was intense and slow. Santana wrapped her hands around the back of Brittany's neck and pulled her closer.

It was something both of them had been longing for, a sense of reconnection. It was something they had been craving. For both of them the world disappeared and this moment was theirs. Nothing else existed except each other.

They were both heavily breathing as they pulled away.

"You were right." Santana gave her a confused look. "We had a boy."

Santana's face lit up in excitement and happiness. "I told you." She gave her the notorious 'I told you' Santana smirk and Brittany laughed at her.

Brittany pulled her phone out of her pocket and showed her a picture. Santana brought her hand to her mouth and a tear rolled down her cheek. "He's perfect."

"He looks just like you. He acts just like you too. He is perfect." Their eyes met and they shared the moment that only parents can shared. They shared the instantaneous love of their child. They shared the connection of their child for the first time.

"He has your smile though. What's his name?" Santana handed the phone back slowly.

"Jacob. Jacob Andres Pierce-Lopez." Santana's heart leapt and she kissed Brittany's hand that she was still holding.

"You chose Jacob." Brittany nodded and smiled.

"How could I not? You loved that name." Santana nodded.

"It's a strong name."

"He's a strong kid. He's the best. I would be nowhere without him Santana." Santana frowned and bit her lip. She should have been there for Brittany.

Just as she was about to open her mouth to tell her that, someone knocked on the door and came in. Dr. Hughes made his way to where they were and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Visiting hours are over ladies." Brittany nodded in understanding and looked to Santana to see a villainous look of hate on her face. He wasn't kidding when he said that she detested him.

"Santana…" Brittany warned her lightly and Santana met her eyes. "I'll see you again, soon."

Santana looked as if she might cry and Brittany leaned over and gave her a brief kiss. Both of them looked to the doctor for an answer to a known question. "Come back tomorrow around 3. And yes, you can bring Jacob. But come by my office first."

"I will. Thank you Dr. Hughes." He nodded and then left the room.

They exchanged another smile and then Brittany stood up and straighten out her shirt. "I'll be back tomorrow."

Santana nodded sadly and looked down at her hands, now missing the feel of Brittany's in her own.

"I love you Santana." Santana looked up at her.

"I love you too Britt." She finally smiled a small smile.

Brittany held her eyes until she had to turn around and walk out of the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jacob, your mom is here."

Jacob heard his name and the mention of his mother and handed the car he was holding to the girl sitting across from him. He waved goodbye to her and ran towards his mother.

Brittany kneeled down to hug him as he ran into her arms. She put her hand around the back of his head and pulled him close. She pulled back after a second and they exchanged smiles. "Did you have a good day with Ms. Rachel and Emma?"

"Yeah it was fun" Brittany kissed his cheek and stood back up.

"Why don't you go get the rest of your things and then we'll go." Jacob walked into the living room and started packing up his things in his backpack. "Thank you for watching him Rachel."

"No problem. How did things go?"

"It um…it went okay. A lot of things have changed and it's going to take a lot of getting used to." Brittany gave her a vague answer.

"We have a support group meeting tonight at 8." Brittany nodded, indicating that she knew.

"Brittany, please don't stop coming just because your family member returned." Brittany pressed her lips together. She hated it when Rachel butted in her business. She never said anything because Rachel had actually lost someone, it just became increasingly difficult the longer she knew her.

"I'll think about it. I need to get Jacob home and talk to him." Rachel looked disappointed, but just as she was about to open her mouth to voice her opinion, Jacob ran up and grabbed hand Brittany's signaling that he was ready to go.

Brittany grabbed his backpack from his other hand and slung it over her shoulder. She nodded towards Rachel and looked down at him.

"Thank you Ms. Rachel. I had fun." He turned around "Bye Emma" He waved to her and she waved back.

"You're very welcome Jacob."

Brittany led them outside and helped him in the car. They were home in no time and Brittany started cooking dinner. Jacob sat at the counter and watched her while drawing.

"Mommy?" Brittany looked up at him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah J, I'm okay." She paused and plated the vegetables she was cooking. She placed them in front of her son and rounded the counter to sit in the seat next to him. "I need to tell you something Jacob."

Jacob took a bite of his food and looked adoringly up at Brittany. She pushed his hair back and smiled at him. He was adorable.

"What do I always say about mama?" Jacob finished chewing and put down his fork.

"You say that she could come back." He gave her a questioning stare, waiting for her to explain.

"Jacob, mama is back. The soldiers found her and saved her. She's in the hospital on the base." Jacob's face twisted in a way Brittany hadn't seen before. It was a lot for him to take in but the end result was a huge grin and glistening eyes.

"Can I go see her?" Brittany smiled back.

"We're gonna go tomorrow to see her. But you have to talk to her doctor first. Is that okay?"

"Yeah!" he shouted in excitement. He was the happiest that Brittany had ever seen him. It made her more comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time.

It was going to be a long road and in the end that last thing Brittany wanted was their son to get hurt. She knew Santana would never hurt him on purpose but she hated to see what would happen if she actually did. Brittany didn't want to have to face that.

"Finish eating. You need to be strong for mama tomorrow." He nodded eagerly and went back to eating his dinner.

Brittany got up and started cleaning up the kitchen. As Jacob finished there was a knock at the door and Brittany heard it creak open. "Britt, it's me." The sound of Quinn's voice was comforting.

She walked into the kitchen and hugged Jacob from behind and kissed his head. "Hey kiddo"

"Hey Aunt Quinn" She looked over his shoulder at what he was drawing. "That looks good J, what is it?"

"It's mama standing in front of a flag and saluting. Mommy said that she's home now and I get to see her tomorrow so I wanted to draw for her." Quinn kissed his head again and looked up at Brittany, who looked like she might burst into tears.

"Why don't you go finish that in your room while I talk to mommy?" He grabbed up his things and headed to his room.

Brittany braced herself against the counter and sighed loudly. "You told him?"

"Yes."

Quinn leaned her backside against the counter next to Brittany. "Are you okay?" Brittany straightened up and looked at Quinn with tears in her eyes. She shook her head and started sobbing.

Quinn wrapped her in a hug and let her cry. She rubbed her back and tried to calm her down. "Britt…everything will be okay. She's back, that's the important thing. I saw her today and she was the same Santana; sarcastic and easy to piss off. She'll be fine after some weight gain and therapy."

Brittany pushed herself off Quinn and gave her a hurt look. "No Quinn. Nothing is gonna be fine. It's never going to be completely fine again. There's nothing there. Her touches don't feel the same, our kiss wasn't the same…she doesn't look at me the same way. She's different. I love her so much but so much is missing and it scares me." She yelled out into a cry.

Her best friend watched as she sunk to the floor and leaned her back against a cabinet. She sat down next to her and held her while she cried. "What do I always say Britt? You two are meant to be. She's different, you're different, but what's important is that you two love each other. It'll work out."

"What if it doesn't?" Quinn shook her head.

"It will. You're Santana and Brittany. It always works out. You said the same thing when she left for basic and look how it turned out." Brittany took little comfort in that memory because she and Santana broke up numerous times that year.

She just stayed quiet and they sat together on the floor for a while.

"I should go check on Jacob." Quinn nodded and helped Brittany to her feet.

"If you need anything call me." Brittany hugged her one last time and then walked her to the front door. "I'm proud of you Britt. Just hang in there. We'll all make it through this."

"Thank you Quinn." She gave her another hug and then Quinn walked out and Brittany shut the door behind her.

She walked down the hall into Jacob's room to find him staring at his picture. She couldn't look at it. She couldn't face it. That Santana wasn't the one she saw today. Her heart was broken because the Santana in the picture wasn't the one that came back to her. She ached to know that she had probably lost that Santana forever. She felt broken, but a small part of her held hope that they could reconnect spiritually in some way similar to the way they were.

She could only hope that everything would be fine.

**Thank you for reading! PLEASE REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! And follow and favorite!**

**I'm going to try to update more frequently, but I can't make any promises! **

**I love you all! See ya next time!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey Everyone! I'm finally back with a new chapter! I hope you enjoy this one and I hope that the wait was worth it! I appreciate all the feedback I received from the last chapter. It truly means the world to me to have people asking me and PM-ing me to continue this fic. **

**This chapter is dedicated to Loveroflove24 aka Amanda. You were honestly the reason this chapter even got finished! So thank you! **

**Anyway, enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or its characters.**

"_Santana, can you hand me that hammer please?" Brittany pointed towards a tool box and then looked in the direction of her girlfriend, who was sarcastically rolling her eyes. _

"_That would require me to stop what I'm doing." Brittany huffed and gave her the 'I'm not playing' stare. _

"_Sorry to interrupt your reading of celebrity gossip for the week, but unless you want your favorite painting in the attic, get up and hand me the hammer." Santana loved it when Brittany shared her sarcasm and aggressiveness. She put her magazine beside her on the floor and then moved to grab the hammer. She got on the first step to reach Brittany's hand and gave her the hammer. "Thank you"_

_But instead of resuming her previous task, Santana stayed on the ladder and ran her hands up and down the back of Brittany's legs. She placed gentle kisses on the backs of Brittany's knees and heard her moan. "Damn it Santana."_

"_Why don't we take a break from unpacking…" She slid her hands under Brittany's shorts and felt her legs tremble at her touch. _

"_We've been here for a week and nothing has gotten done. We need to unpack." Brittany laid the hammer on the top of the ladder and descended to be face to face with her girlfriend. "Stop."_

_Santana leaned in to kiss her but Brittany leaned back. "Come on Britt." _

_Brittany walked Santana backwards until her knees hit the couch and she fell backwards. She straddled her lap and Santana's hands naturally came to meet Brittany's hips. Brittany moved some hair out of her face and then lifted her shirt over her head and threw it on the floor. Santana went to kiss her neck but Brittany pushed her back yet again. She huffed in frustration "Britt…please." _

"_I told you we were getting unpacked today. Until it's done, you're not getting any." Santana looked at her curiously, wondering if she was serious or not. _

_Brittany, knowing exactly what Santana was thinking, got up and put her hands on her hips. "Yes, I'm serious Santana." _

"_Why did you take off your shirt then?" Santana stood up and mocked her position. _

"_It's hot in here." _

"_You're being a tease." Santana bit her lip._

"_You're being lazy." Brittany crossed her arms over her chest. _

"_I wouldn't be if you weren't so hot." Her eyes ran over every inch of Brittany's body and she filled with lust again. Brittany's body was too much sometimes, and this was definitely one of those times._

_Brittany just smirked at Santana's comment and climbed back up the ladder. She hammered a nail into the wall and then turned back to see Santana still staring at her. "Santana, can you hand me the painting?" _

_Santana stumbled over her feet and Brittany chuckled. She finally passed it up to her and then watched as she hung it exactly where she said she wanted it. Brittany came back down the ladder and stepped back to see if it was even. "It looks good babe. Thank you." Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist and hugged her from behind. She rested her chin on her shoulder and they stared at the painting together. _

"_I love this painting." Brittany leaned back into Santana._

"_I know. I just don't understand why." Brittany tried to look at it with her head tilted, as if it would make a difference. _

"_Well, it's beautiful. It's Picasso's interpretation of peace. The two women are running away from war. Life is meant to be lived the way they're living it. Free and happy." Brittany smiled in contentment. She loved listening to Santana explain art. _

"_Well, you're going to be the one to explain to our children why they have their boobs hanging out." Santana laughed into Brittany's neck and Brittany laughed as her breath tickled her skin. _

"_I love you." Santana kissed her cheek. _

"_I love you too." Brittany lingered in her arms, cherishing the moment. _

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Brittany laid on the couch and stared at the picture that still remained on the wall. She tried to see it as Santana had. For the longest time, she had considered putting it away because it was a constant reminder that she was gone. And at the moment, that same feeling was still present.

Brittany tried to hear the words that would come out of Santana's mouth, but they weren't as fresh and friendly. That memory now made her sad. The fact that she would never have_ that_ Santana back broke her heart. She was mourning the person she loved most, next to Jacob, in the world.

She heard her son walking softly down the hallway and sat up. He appeared around the corner moments later holding his blanket and rubbing his eye with a balled fist. Brittany turned to him and smiled "Morning sleepy head." She knelt before him and kissed both his cheeks.

"When can we see mama?" She almost didn't want him to see her, not who she was now. He wouldn't be meeting the Santana she had told him about all his life.

"Well, we have to wait until this afternoon. So how about some breakfast and then you can come to the studio with me for a little while and wait." He nodded, slightly disappointed that he had to wait, and then returned to his bedroom to change while Brittany started breakfast.

While Jacob was eating at the table, Brittany stepped outside to get the morning paper and watched as a familiar truck pulled in the driveway. Chris got out and walked slowly towards the archway under which Brittany was standing. He tried to give her a friendly smile, but it came off distant and fake.

"Brittany." He stated her name in place of a typical greeting. She braved a smile and head nod back.

"Chris." She stood in front of the door waiting on him to explain why he was there.

"I need to get the rest of my things. I tried to come yesterday but you were gone so I thought I'd stop by before work this morning." Brittany nodded in understanding and took a step away from the door so he could pass. He shyly stepped by her and went inside, holding the door as Brittany followed.

Chris grabbed a huge duffle bag from the hall closet and then started down the hallway towards what was now just Brittany's room. She was tempted to follow him and ask him how he was doing. She could tell he wasn't all that great. He hadn't shaved and his uniform was wrinkled and dirty. She wanted to tell him that missed him, but that didn't seem fair considering.

So instead of starting what was sure to be an argument, she walked back into the kitchen and helped Jacob clean his face and wash his dishes. She turned on some morning cartoons and told Jacob she would be ready to go in a few minutes. She walked into her room and saw Chris stuffing his few possessions into the huge duffle bag.

"Jacob and I are going to hang out at the studio. I have a couple of classes to teach before I take him to see Santana." Chris nodded but didn't look up. "Chris…I'm sorry." He continued to pack and refused to look up. "Please just look at me. I still care about you. I just want you to be happy."

Chris stopped his task and finally looked up. "I thought we were happy before all this happened. We were in a good place before she was found." He dug in his pocket and pulled out a velvet square. Brittany's heart sank and she sat on the edge of the bed. Chris sat next to her and opened the box. He placed the ring in her hand and looked at her. "I bought this a year ago. I was planning on giving it to you on our anniversary this year."

"Chris…" He shook his head.

"Keep it, sell it, I don't care. I just can't keep holding on to it. I'll leave my key under the mat when I get done. It shouldn't take me that much longer." He then stood up and resumed his packing. Brittany slowly stood up. Her mind told her to walk out of the room quietly but her body was pulled towards Chris and she grabbed his hands and stopped his movements.

She looked into his forest green eyes and touched his face with the palm of her free hand. "You deserve the world Chris. I hope someone can give it to you one day. You're a great man." He leaned into her touch and moved his hand over hers.

He leaned down and placed a simple and quick kiss on her lips. She pulled back and placed her hand on his chest. "I'll see you around. Don't forget to come hang out with Jacob." He nodded and watched as she left the room.

"I'll see you around…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ms. Lopez, how are you feeling this morning?" Dr. Hughes sat down in his office chair and looked at his patient from across the desk. She was displaying her usual passive aggressive behavior, but today it wasn't enthralled by anger, it seemed to be sadness. He waited several minutes before asking her again and finally receiving an answer.

"Am I going to get to see my son today?" Dr. Hughes shook his head, clearly not receiving the answer he wanted to hear.

"Ms. Pierce and your son should be here this afternoon. Whether you see them or not is completely up to you." Santana smirked, tired of receiving the same reply from her doctor. "You can either answer my questions or we can sit here all day and ponder the 'what ifs'."

"I'm feeling anxious." Santana simply stated the only feeling she could truly identify.

"Why?" Dr. Hughes scribbled contently on his notepad and then looked back up.

"I want to see my son. And Brittany. I want to go home." He nodded and sat back.

"I want you to tell me how you think your reunion with Brittany went yesterday. As honestly as possible." Santana broke eye contact and moved a piece of hair behind her ear.

"It was indescribable to see her again. But it was…different. Something was off." Santana looked at the floor and stared like it might hold the answers.

"Well a lot has happened since you've been gone. What do you think was off?"

"Our connection. The way she was looking at me, it's like she wasn't seeing me." Dr. Hughes sat forward and rested his arms on the desk.

"I think in a way, Santana, you're suffering from something similar to dysmorphia." She gave him a strange look as if to ask why he would use that specific term. He held his hand up in understanding of her confusion and then continued. "In simple terms, you want to feel one way but you're actually the opposite. It's a very confusing thing for the brain to handle, especially when it's exposed and you can see the opposite that you are."

"So I'm confused? About who I am?"

"Not in the negative sense that you may think. You see yourself as the person you were before your trauma. In reality, you're now a different version of that person. When you didn't connect completely with Brittany yesterday, it's because she was seeing you as this new version of Santana instead of the old one." Santana sat back and felt disappointed. She felt mad at herself for letting herself be changed. She felt weak and that was one thing she never saw herself as.

Santana finally began to understand. She had to deal with who she had become to handle where she would go from here. She just didn't want to have to go back to that dark place.

"I don't want to feel like this." She blankly stated as she looked to her doctor for an answer.

"I don't think anyone does. But that's what we're here for. Your benefit Santana. I can't promise that it'll all go away but I can say that I'll do my best to help you however I can." She nodded faintly, completely overwhelmed by her break though.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After teaching three dance classes, Brittany took a shower and grabbed up her things. Jacob was waiting by the front desk with her business partner and friend, Mike. He was trying to teach Jacob the kick ball change. And for four and a half years old, he grasped it as good as to be expected. She giggled as he stumbled over his feet and playfully fell to the ground.

Mike saw Brittany walking up and helped Jacob to his feet. "Hey Britt. I'm telling you, this kid has your talent. He's a fast learner." They watched Jacob run across the studio floor to grab his backpack.

"Dance was the only thing I learned fast. Santana was the smart one. Somehow he gets so much from her." Mike wrapped her in a hug and whispered in her ear.

"You know, he gets a lot more from you than you think." Brittany picked her bag off the ground and grabbed her son's hand.

"Bye Uncle Mike" Jacob waved at him as they headed towards the exit.

"Bye J-man" Mike waved back at him and smiled at Brittany.

XXXXXXXXXX

An hour later Brittany and Jacob found themselves waiting outside of Dr. Hughes' office. Brittany knelt down to tuck in Jacob's shirt and was straightening out his hair when Dr. Hughes opened the door and stood before them. "Good afternoon Ms. Pierce. This must be the infamous Mr. Jacob Pierce-Lopez." He bent down and extended his hand to a widely smiling young boy. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you."

Jacob stood proud and shook the doctor's hand. "It's nice to meet you too." Dr. Hughes chuckled at him and stood back up. He smiled to Brittany and saw the pride in her eyes as well.

"Jacob, why don't you take a seat in that big chair right there and I'll be in to talk to you in a minute." He nodded excitedly and went in the office. "He's a handsome little guy."

Brittany smiled and nodded "Yes he is. And he knows how to use it too."

They shared a brief laugh. "I want to talk to him alone. You can wait in the waiting room and I'll come get you before I take him to see Santana." She nodded in understanding and then turned to walk down the hallway.

Dr. Hughes entered his office and sat in front of his desk, opposite of the young, dark haired boy in his office chair. "You look good over there. Maybe you should be a doctor one day."

Jacob shook his head and smiled "I don't want to be a doctor."

"Well what do you wanna be?" He sat back and crossed one leg over the other.

"I wanna be a solider like my mama." Jacob grabbed a pen and looked at it.

"Why is that?" He looked curiously at him.

"She's brave and a hero. I want to be like that too." Jacob sat crisscross in the chair and looked at the doctor, seemingly confident in his answer.

"You know Jacob, your mama has been through quite a lot. She's going to be different than you expect her to be." Jacob now wore a confused look on his face. "Have you ever been scared of something?"

"I was scared of monsters at night until mommy showed me they weren't real."

"Your mama is scared too, but of different monsters. So before she can be brave again, she has to know the monsters aren't real." Jacob nodded in understanding. "Do you understand why she's here in the hospital?"

"So you can help her know that monsters aren't real?" Dr. Hughes told him that he was right and acknowledged how intelligent Jacob was for his age.

After a few minutes of casual conversation and getting to know Jacob more, Dr. Hughes wrote his final notes and then walked Jacob out to meet Brittany in the waiting room. He hugged her legs and she rubbed his back. "He did very well. I think we have a genius among us." He winked at Jacob and he hid his face in the fabric of his mother's shirt.

"Can we see Santana now?" The doctor nodded and led them down the hallway to her room. He stopped outside and turned to face them.

"If you need anything just press the nurse's button and I'll be right down." Brittany nodded and felt her grip on her son's hand tighten.

He opened the door for them but before going inside Brittany stopped them in front of the door and knelt down to Jacob. He had a grin plastered across his face and it made Brittany feel happy.

She straightened his shirt and wiped some crusty peanut butter from lunch off the corner of his mouth with her thumb. "Are you excited?" She grinned at him as he hastily nodded his head. "Okay come on." Jacob walked in first and she followed right behind him.

The second she saw Santana, the woman was beaming. Her dark eyes and hollow cheeks seemed to brighten and she smiled.

Jacob clung to the blonde's legs and she rubbed his shoulder. Santana got out of the bed slowly and sat herself in the chair next to the bed. Brittany grimaced as she saw the bones that were all too noticeable, protrude from the clothes she was wearing.

"You said you were excited, go see her." She looked to see Santana staring at her with soft eyes. She gave their son a little nudge and he timidly walked towards Santana. She was smiling like Brittany had never seen before. The only other time that came close to this was when she told her she was pregnant.

Jacob took in Santana's smile and when she opened her arms, he ran right into them. Thin arms wrapped around him and he rested his head against her chest.

The tears couldn't be stopped and Brittany brought her hand to her mouth to keep from gasping. It was everything she ever wanted. Santana seeing their son. It was a beautiful moment and the world, along with all its problems, fell away.

She watched Santana cry too as she kissed the side of Jacob's head and stroked his dark hair. She held him out in front of her and beamed at him.

He touched her cheek and wiped a tear away. She grabbed his hand and held it against her face and then kissed it.

"Hi mama" His voice was precious.

"Hi Jacob." Santana's voice was soft and easy. It was the sweetest her voice had ever been. The tears weren't stopping though and Jacob looked back to his mommy, only to see she was crying too.

"Don't cry" He said to both of them. Brittany let out a little chuckle and wiped under her eye trying not to smear her makeup, even though she was pretty sure it already was.

"Don't worry J, they're happy tears." She sniffed and he looked to Santana for confirmation.

"Totally little man. Happy tears." They embraced again and Brittany sat on the edge of her bed and watched. Santana looked up at her and smiled. A brief glimpse of the old Santana revealed itself in her glance. Brittany let out a deep sigh in relief.

Jacob stepped back and pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. "I made this for you." He put it in Santana's hand and watched her open it. More tears fell and she wiped her eyes and smiled.

"This is great Jacob. Thank you." He smiled at her and gave her another hug.

"How are you doing today?" Brittany quietly asked as she picked Jacob up and sat him next to her.

"I'm okay, bored mostly." Brittany nodded in understanding.

"I can bring you some books if you'd like. Or whatever you want. I know the magazines here can't be all that interesting." Santana gave her a faint nod in agreement. She stared at Jacob as he played with the hem of his shorts. "J, why don't tell mama about school?"

Jacob eagerly began explaining his kindergarten experience thus far and Santana hung on every word. Brittany watched and listened in amazement as her two favorite people traded stories and laughed. She had never doubted that Santana would be an amazing mother, but it was powerful to see it unfolding before her.

An hour or so later Dr. Hughes showed his face around the corner and made the announcement that visiting hours for Santana were over. Jacob hopped off the bed and ran straight into Santana's arms once again. She cradled him there briefly and then pushed him back so she could kiss his forehead.

"Watch out for your mommy." She hugged him again and whispered in his ear. "I love you Jacob. So much."

"I love you too mama" Brittany tried once again to keep the tears at bay but failed. As Jacob moved to the side, Brittany leaned over Santana's chair and kissed her cheek.

"We'll see you soon." Santana gave both of them a content look and nodded.

"I'll see you soon." They both waved as they walked out of the door.

Santana sat back, dazed. It felt like a surreal experience to sit and talk with the one thing in the world that had turned out perfect. She knew that he would be smart, caring, and kind because Brittany was raising him. But she had severely underestimated the levels of each. Her son was over and beyond anything that she could have ever anticipated and she had Brittany to thank for that.

She knew that she had years to make up for, but also knew that she had the rest of her life to try.

It wasn't long after Brittany and Jacob left that a nurse arrived to take Santana to her daily physical therapy. She wasn't in the rehab room long before a familiar face showed up.

"Master Sgt. Lopez, permission to join you?" Santana nodded and let her friend sit in front of her.

"Staff Sgt. Puckerman, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company? I didn't think they would ship you over here too." Puck sat down in his chair and folded his hands in his lap.

"They sent everyone home. I don't really have a home so they just sent back to where I came from. I had to pay one of the nurses off just to get my rehab rescheduled so I could see you."

"You make it sound like we're secret lovers Puckerman." Puck grinned and slapped his knee comically.

"I thought it might have been enough to finally win your heart." Santana chuckled at him, relieved that he still had his sense of humor. "How are visits going?"

"I got to meet my son today." Santana straightened up with pride and smiled as she spoke. "He's perfect." She told him what she had learned about him and Puck smiled right along with her.

"And Brittany? How'd that go?" Santana's smile dimmed in the slightest and she didn't speak for a minute or two.

"She's still Brittany. Things are just a little off right now. Dr. Hughes said it'll take some time to get our spark back." Puck waved her off at the mention of her doctor's name.

"That man doesn't know what the hell he's talking about Lopez." Santana gave him a disappointed look, allowing him to elaborate. "He told me that my emotions are like water right now. They go where I need them to but don't stay."

Santana found humor in his mockery and laughed, knowing that only Dr. Hughes could come up with an analogy that lame. Her laughter stopped as she remembered what he had said to her earlier that day. She realized that even if he had stupid ways of putting things, the things he said were honest and mostly accurate.

Puck saw her face dawn back and sat forward "Don't let him get in your head Lopez. There's nothing wrong with you or me."

"Puck, there's more wrong with us than we think." Puck stood up and walked around her and then sat back down. "Do you remember what you told me when we were still in Iraq? You said that we're not the same people, that we'll never be the same people. What changed your mind?"

"And what changed yours? Why are you defending these people?" He stood up again, more aggressively this time and kicked his chair back. Santana knew that he wasn't well enough to throw around his anger, but somehow he was managing. "They're keeping us here…how are they any better than those savages?" Santana saw the male nurses run around the corner and before she knew it two were on the ground and the other three struggled to get Puck on the ground.

"Puckerman, stop fighting it." Santana half-yelled at him. He didn't listen and eventually tired out from his lack of energy. She watched her friend get dragged out into the hallway and be strapped to a gurney.

Puck had made a good point, but Santana knew that her freedom was more dependent on conforming rather than her free will. If she wanted out of this place, she would have to do what she needed to do to get better. At least by her doctor's standards. She had done it for five years in much worse conditions, so all she had to do now was take comfort in this being better than the last time. To her, anything was better than that.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's certainly one of my favorites thus far! Stay tuned for the next chapter, hopefully soon! Chapter 7 is gonna blow your mind, so be prepared! **

**And as always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! It helps more than you know!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm back so soon, weird right?! **

**I actually had this chapter done the day after I published the last but I wanted to make sure it was good and reviewed. **

**This chapter is slightly edgy, so warning if you're affected in any way by violence. It also contains a lot of Santana POV. I wanted to make sure that we all got a little more inside her story. Let me know if you guys like it, it's different. Also, sorry for no Brittana interaction. I just realized this chapter has no Brittana in it...opps. **

**Ohhh and I added a tiny cross-over in there. I couldn't help myself! Let me know if you guys like it! **

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.**

_It was dark. It was dry. Space became a privilege and was only gained by the loss of another. Hunger, exhaustion, and infection plagued the soldiers as they sat on the dirt floor and stared into the darkness. _

_Santana sat next to Puckerman and they held hands. They weren't sure how long they had been here, but it had felt like an eternity. She squeezed his hand as she squeezed Brittany's picture in her other hand. "Lopez, you alright?" _

"_I'm fucking peachy, Puckerman." She dropped his hand and gripped the picture to her chest. It was her only possession. _

"_Keep it together, Lopez. You're not the only one that has a family here." All the other men grunted and gave verbal agreement. _

_She was about to defend herself when the large door creaked open and a bright light shone in. All the soldiers covered their eyes, trying to quickly adjust to the new brightness. Santana peered up, eyes barely open, and saw the mess around her. _

_There was no bathroom, no bucket, so the men and herself had gone wherever someone wasn't. And since the last time she had seen, the men around her looked deplorable. Weight loss and malnutrition were prominent. She took a brief few seconds and stared down at the picture in her hands. The face of the person she loved more than anything stared back at her with a heartwarming smile. She was grateful that she had decided to put the picture in her upper chest pocket before they left camp. _

_There was a loud bang and once again Santana clinched the picture to her chest and buried her head in her knees. She tried to be invisible. _

_The sound of boots crunched in the sand as the men with machine guns and machetes entered the bunker. Santana felt Puck tense beside her, but didn't move. She didn't dare look up. _

"_We are here to move you to a new location. Your full cooperation is desired. If you do not cooperate, we will kill you." The voice came from the man standing right in front of Santana. "Please stand up and lock your fingers behind your head." Santana felt the men on either side of her begin to stir and she finally sat back and tried to swiftly place the picture back in her pocket. _

_Her actions, however swift she might have thought, did not go unnoticed. The man closest to her grabbed her arm and threw it against the wall, pinning her to the stone. The photo fell, like a feather, to the ground. He reached for her other hand and pushed it against the wall. Santana closed her eyes and sucked in her lips to keep from screaming. His face was right in front of hers; his heavy breath hitting her face._

_The man pushed against her roughly and then pushed off of her. She fell to the ground, clutching her wrists in pain. He bent down dramatically and held the picture up so he could see it. Santana peered up at him and watched as his solid, stone cold glance turned into a sexually motivated grin. Her insides felt like they were twisting uncontrollably as he started laughing and moving to show the other men. They all, one by one, obtained the same change in facial expression and chuckled along with their leader. _

_He squatted in front of Santana with one hand next to her head, bracing himself against the wall. "Who is this?" His accent seemed to thicken. When Santana made eye contact and didn't answer he slapped the back of her head and shoved the picture closer to her face. "Who is this?" He asked louder and with more anger. _

"_My friend…" Santana whispered just loud enough for him to hear and looked at the floor. He looked at her in disbelief and slapped her again. _

"_You have one more chance to tell me who this is in this picture." He paused and reached for the gun on his hip. "Are you truly going to make yourself suffer more over the bitch in this picture?" _

_Santana knew that if she told the truth about who Brittany was, she would be killed on the spot. The relationship that she and Brittany had was not one that these people accepted. She had to keep Brittany safe. "She's just a friend." She said her final answer with what little confidence she had left and gave him a harsh look. _

_He grabbed her by the collar and stood her up. Gun in his hand, he put her in a chokehold and held her against his body. She saw Puckerman square his shoulders and tighten his jaw. _

_She felt the hot metal press against her temple and gulped in fear. _

Santana sat up, dripping with sweat and cried out. Tears fell from her eyes and she pressed the heels of her hands to her face. She hugged her knees to her chest and tried to push out the flashback she had just relived.

She glanced at the clock on her bedside table; 5:00AM. She sighed and pushed some hair out of her face and then slid herself out of bed and got dressed. It wouldn't be long before her usual nursing staff came in and took her vitals. She needed to make sure her blood pressure wasn't too high. They had been telling her that if things kept getting better, she would be able to go home soon. So without risking the chance of staying in the hospital any longer than she had to, Santana hadn't been telling Dr. Hughes about her nightmares or visions.

Two hours later, she was in the rehab room with her physical therapist working on her legs. She had always been able to do the tasks she was being given. It was discouraging to her that she could no longer do them with such ease. She tired quickly and Roan helped her sit in a chair that was close by. He grabbed her a bottle of water from the cooler and opened it for her. "Thank you."

"Of course, Ms. Lopez." He squatted in front of her and took her pulse. "Your heart rate is a little higher than usual. Did you sleep okay last night?"

Santana's tongue formed the word no, but she murmured out "Yeah" instead.

Roan looked at her with a serious expression. "Physical rehabilitation is only part of your recovery."

"I'm fine." He shook his head and grabbed her hand.

"I was the same way when I came back from my accident." He knocked his knuckles on the plastic that had become his leg and gave her a sad look. "I learned to walk quickly. As soon as I could, I walked myself straight to the ledge of the overpass and was ready to let myself become a smashed bug on someone's windshield." Santana felt the slightest bit uncomfortable, but she determined it to be the feeling of guilt. "I finally got help. I finally began to understand. You need to utilize this opportunity to get help. I know it's a pride thing, but if you don't keep yourself in check, you'll be standing where I was."

Santana had never considered ending her own life. She had always felt the tug of home too much to want to not get back. Her hope had never faded when it came to the ones she loved.

Roan stood up and went to set up her next exercise. "Roan, what stopped you?"

"The wind. It was a still night. I stepped on the edge and the wind gusted. The world was telling me to stay. The next day I met my wife and now I have three beautiful kids." She smiled at him and nodded.

He once again helped her to her feet and they began the next set of exercises.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Brittany stretched as she walked down her driveway and prepared to go for her morning run. She sighed and rolled her eyes as she saw Rachel Berry power walking down the street with some woman she assumed was new to the neighborhood. They slowed to a stop in front of her and took a deep breath.

"Brittany! How are you?" Rachel looked at the other woman with a bright smile and then right back at Brittany. Brittany smirked as she saw the blonde woman's reaction. This girl wasn't buying anything Rachel was selling; it reminded her of Santana.

"I'm doing well, Rachel. Who's this?" Rachel beamed at the chance to introduce who she seemed to think was her new best friend.

"Brittany Pierce, this is Clarke Griffin. Clarke, this is Brittany." They briefly shook hands and smiled at each other. "Clarke and her fiancé just moved here from California."

"Wait, you're _the_ Brittany Pierce." Brittany internally cursed herself. This wasn't the first time where someone only knew her for the things that had happened to her fiancé. "You're the town's famous dancer. I went by your studio the other day and talked to some guy named Mike about taking a hip-hop class once a week." Brittany sighed in relief and eagerly nodded at her.

"Yeah totally. You should totally do it." She was trying to break through her awkwardness when Rachel piped in.

"I have to get back home. Emma is waking up." She showed her phone to them and they watched as little Emma stirred in her bed. "I don't know what I would do without modern technology. Anyway, I'll catch both of you later." She waved behind her head as she power walked away.

When she was out of earshot, Clarke sighed. "She takes the welcome wagon to another level."

"She's the welcome train. She has good intentions, she just always goes overboard with everything. You'll get used to it." Clarke chuckled and sincerely hoped Brittany was speaking the truth. "My fiancé hated her. She never even made eye contact with her."

"Why is that?" Clarke pressed her lips in curiosity.

"You'd have to know her. She has no patience for people like Rachel Berry." Clarke still looked confused.

"Has or had?" So Clarke didn't know who Santana was.

"It's a long story."

"Well, I live just around the corner. You should come over and hang out some time. Lexa would love to meet you." Brittany nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds nice." They waved to each other again as Clarke walked in the opposite direction. Brittany turned and faced the other side of the street and started jogging.

She was excited to have met someone like Clarke. Someone who hadn't known them before all this happened. Someone who wouldn't judge Brittany for the way she felt, but might try to sympathize and offer suggestion instead.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Master Sgt. Lopez, I'm glad to see that you're doing well." Santana rolled her eyes at the man in the fancy suit that was sitting across from her. He cleared his throat nervously and slid a paper across the table so she could see it. "This is the settlement the U.S government would like to offer you. All is negotiable but I think you'll be very pleased with this arrangement."

Santana slowly grabbed the sheet and held it in front of her to read it. She would never have to work again. And her family could have the best of everything. The lawyer saw the shock on her face and leaned forward. "And all you have to do is tell me, on record, what happened to Sgt. Justin Ferrell."

Santana swallowed hard and felt a wave of guilt run through her body. She tried to speak but no words came to her. "Our reports on all deaths are complete except for his. No other witness to his death will testify to how he was killed. You'll have a settlement either way, but this one is much nicer."

Her brain shut down and she felt lightheaded. She braced her elbows on the table and tried to come up with an answer. He could be tricking her to get a false truth for comparison. But if he was being honest and no one else had testified, her fellow brothers had been protecting her. It was a gamble but she finally came to a decision.

"They killed him. They shot him." She avoided eye contact and stared at her intertwined fingers. Seeing what had actually happened in the back of her mind was taking her consciousness from what was right in front of her.

"I need more than that Sgt. Lopez." She suddenly grew angry and looked up to see him giving her a judgmental stare.

"Why do you need to know more than the fact that he's dead? He's not coming back. Nothing about what happened can be changed." She felt the frustration and anger fill from her head to her feet and she stood up. "Fuck you and your fucking deal. I don't want the goddamn money." She threw the paper at him. "I'd trade it all to have him alive and with his family. I'd trade anything to go back to before all this happened."

"I can see that you're upset, Sgt. Lopez. Please just" Santana slammed her hand down on the table and cut him off.

"I've been discharged you mindless, hypocritical moron. I'm nothing anymore. I'm not Master Sgt. Santana Lopez, Company Echo's head medic. I'm Santana Lopez, a fucked up veteran that everyone feels sorry for."

Dr. Hughes burst through the door and looked at her sternly. "Is everything okay, Mr. Kane?"

The lawyer stood up and buttoned his suit jacket. He shoved his papers in his briefcase and then tried to stand tall. "I'll be back another time to get Ms. Lopez's signature. She's still a bit…temperamental." He nodded to Dr. Hughes as he exited the room.

Santana squared her shoulders as the door shut and felt her whole body tense with anger. She wasn't mentally there and as Dr. Hughes touched her arm, he bared the consequence of it. She pulled back and hooked him in the jaw with all her might. He fell backwards and hit his head on the door. He rolled over and grabbed his head in pain.

Santana let out a burly yell and hit the wall with all her strength. She felt a sharp pain in her hand and then all went black and she fell to the floor.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"The doctor said that if she keeps making progress like she is, she'll get to come home soon. She's been working really hard with her physical therapy and her counseling. Dr. Hughes said it's almost too good to be true." Brittany sipped her tea and waited for her best friend to respond.

"You don't seem so enthused" Quinn set her cup down on the table and crossed her arms. Brittany didn't reply and stared at the table top. She bit her bottom lip as she tried to hone the emotions she was feeling. Quinn just waited patiently for her to respond.

"I'm scared." Her best friend gave her a concerned look. "The other day when I took Jacob to the hospital to see her, we all went outside so Jacob could play on the playground. I thought it would give us a chance to talk. She just stared the whole time. She wasn't there. And when I tried to hold her hand she snapped." Brittany was almost reduced to tears. "Santana wasn't there. It took her so long to come back to me."

Quinn moved a hand over Brittany's and tried to comfort her. "She's working at it though. It's going to take a while for her to get anywhere near better."

Brittany was going to reply but felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She pulled it out and answered as soon as she saw who was calling. "Hello…Yes this is she." Brittany's face pulled downwards and she started to tear up. "I'll be right there." She finished in a chocked voice and then stood up to leave. Quinn looked at her curiously and she wiped the tears from under her eyes. "Santana had a relapse and fractured her hand."

Quinn grabbed both their bags, led Brittany to her car, and drove them both to the hospital.

XXXXXXXXXXX

A couple of weeks after her setback, Santana had been transferred to different doctors and to a new area of the hospital. Dr. Hughes had told her that he couldn't risk becoming a trigger, for her sake and his own. She tried not to care, but somehow the man had gotten under her skin. She felt his absence every time she saw her new doctors.

Brittany's visits had become a lot more limited. They were only allowed to visit for two hours every other day. Brittany, in Santana's opinion, didn't seem coherently bothered by this new rule. But in her defense, Santana knew that she had work and Jacob to take care of. Still, it hurt Santana in the slightest that Brittany didn't seem to want to spend more time with her. They had been separated for five years with no source of communication.

Santana pushed the thought aside as she got out of her bed and walked into the hallway. She saw Puckerman sitting in a chair towards the end of the hallway. She was glad they had given him another chance instead of taking him to the psych ward. She approached him carefully and sat in the chair next to him. He smelled like baby powder and medicine.

"I'm glad to see you're back, Puckerman. I kinda missed you." She gave him a lighthearted glance but he wouldn't look in her direction. She had expected some kind of joke or pun but was disappointed to not receive one. "Puck, are you okay?"

He shook his head from side to side in the smallest arc. His face was placid. Santana couldn't read it but she could tell from his body language that his mind was focused on something very far from the here and now. He cleared his throat and blinked his eyes a few times, coming back into reality. "I was thinking about you and what you did. The lawyer just asked me about it."

Santana sunk into her chair and stressfully grabbed the bridge of her nose between her index finger and thumb. She felt the guilt, hatred, and sadness creep through her veins and she drifted as she was overtaken by the memory.

"_Here is what I want you to do." He pushed her against the ground and she fell. She tried to get up and he kicked her in the stomach with all his might. Santana felt a rib crack and she gasped for air as she almost passed out. The pain shot through her entire body like a bullet. He finally grabbed her by the back of her shirt and pulled her up. She held her side as tightly as possible and tried to even her breathing. _

_The leader reached into his ankle holster and pulled out another hand gun. He flipped the safety off and handed it to Santana, pressing it hard against her chest. She was reluctant to take it, but didn't want to risk getting hit again. She held the gun with one hand and pressed her side with the other. She recognized two options that this sadistic man was presenting her. She could kill herself in lieu of someone else's life, or she could kill someone else for the sake of her own life. He seemed to know what she was thinking. _

"_Shoot him." His finger pointed at the solider that had been situated across from her. She immediately shook her head. She could never kill someone, especially not someone she knew. Not someone who was with her while they were trying to fight for their country. She couldn't kill a fellow brother. "You either shoot him or I kill everyone in here and save you for last." He whispered the last bit in her ear and she cringed. _

_Her brain began to take over and she no longer pondered the right and wrong of the situation. She saw life and death before her. The gun seemed to get heavier and the pain in her side lessened. Before she knew it her finger was actively on the trigger and she saw her target in the sights of the handgun. She paused before she squeezed the trigger. This moment would bury her for the rest of her life. She would never get over doing what she was. _

"_Santana." Puck called out in a serious and concerting voice. He was begging her not to do it. He was, however, quickly reprimanded and was met in the face with the butt of an assault rifle. She watched her friend cripple in pain. His nose was definitely broken and blood gushed faster than he could spit it out. She watched him pass out and hoped that he didn't choke before she could help him. _

"_Shoot him. You'll save everyone else. He's almost dead anyway." Santana took a second to do a visual evaluation of the solider. He was weak looking, they all were. But she noticed the immense amount of blood on his fatigues. She looked further and saw that he had been shot in the area above his knee. Infection was most prominently setting in and Santana knew that the wound was contributing to the smell of the enclosed space. _

_Self-reasoning wasn't helping. Santana lowered the gun and dropped it on the ground. "There is no justification of this act. I'm not going to shoot anyone."_

_The man's face turned from semi-entertained to utter rage in milliseconds. He swung his rifle around and clipped one round into the person closest to him. She cried out as she watched Private Monroe slump over and bleed out. He pointed his gun at the next person and she yelled out to him. "Stop." _

"_What, you don't want me to shoot your friend?" He tapped the gun to Puck's unconscious head and put his finger readily on the trigger. _

"_Don't, please." Santana was in tears as she battled with the biggest dilemma life could ever offer. _

"_Pick up the gun then. And shoot him." The gun was pressed harder against Puck's head and he stirred in response. He barely opened his eyes, but when he did he shut them back tight and tensed his body. _

_Santana leaned over slowly and picked up the gun. Her side was numb by this point from adrenaline. The solider never spoke against what was to be done to him. He sat, silently, waiting for them to make up their minds. He seemed halfway conscious when Santana finally pointed the gun at him. He gave her a nod and then relaxed his body. _

"Santana…" Puck put his hand on her shoulder and shook her slightly. She was pulled back into reality and quickly stood up in fear. Puck showed his palms and tried to comfort her. "You're okay."

"I did it for you! You're the reason I'm so fucked up. It's your fault." She started crying and Puck stood up and wrapped her in a hug. She fought him for a brief second but then relaxed and wept into his shirt.

A nurse came over to see what was wrong but Puck quickly told her to "Fuck off". She backed away and went back to her desk area and dialed the phone. A minute later, Dr. Martin was strutting down the hall towards them. Puck saw her and slowly peeled Santana off of him.

"Mr. Puckerman. Ms. Lopez. I heard there was a conflict. Care to tell me what happened?" They both looked at each other like they couldn't understand what she was saying.

"I have therapy in a few." Puck bluntly stated as he picked up his hoodie from the back on the chair he was sitting at earlier.

Dr. Martin nodded in understanding and then shifted her gaze towards Santana. "Ms. Lopez."

"I have a visitor coming." Santana wasn't telling a lie. Today was a visiting day, but she also hadn't spoken with Brittany to know whether she was coming or not.

"I just talked to your visitors before I was called down here. I was about to come get you when I got the call. They're waiting for you in the cafeteria." Santana cocked her head to the side in misunderstanding. Brittany and Jacob never had to go to the cafeteria for a visit. "I'll take you down there. And after your visit we'll talk about what happened between you and Mr. Puckerman."

Santana nodded once and followed Dr. Martin as she led them down a series of hallways. They arrived at the cafeteria moments later. It was crowded and smelled like a middle school lunch room. Dr. Martin started walking around the skirt of the crowd and Santana nervously followed.

Her head turned in every direction to try to spot Brittany and her son, but she couldn't find them. Santana quickly became anxious. Dr. Martin stopped a few feet away from a table towards the back of the huge room and turned to face Santana. "They're at that table. If you need anything I'll be right here." She gestured her hand in the direction of the two people sitting at the table and Santana slowly began to walk their way.

Their backs were to her, but she could tell the two were a man and woman of slightly older age. Their hair was in the process of turning gray.

But as Santana rounded the corner, her heart sunk and her jaw seemed to drop to the floor. They both stood up and had smiles plastered widely across their faces. Santana swallowed hard. "Santana…" They both said in unison disbelief. They stared at her for a while, waiting on her to speak or move. In time, the foreign words finally came to her mouth.

"Mom…Dad…"

**Annnnd cliffhanger! Sorry not sorry. **

**Let me know what you guys thought of this chapter, I'm anxious to know! **

**PLEASE REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! It motivates me and makes me publish chapters even quicker!**

**Thank you for reading! Peace 'til next time**


	8. Chapter 8

**So...it's been awhile! I've been working on this chapter for a while now...(as you can tell). I honestly wasn't sure I wanted to keep this up, but I decided I'd give it a good try since I have some free time. **

**I'm really sorry I haven't posted in almost a year, but for those of you who still care, here's another chapter! Thank you for all the continued support! It means the world to me! **

**As always, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

"Mom…Dad…"

XXXXX

_After folding the torn piece of notebook paper, Santana waited for her teacher to turn his back to pass it to her girlfriend who was seated to her right. Brittany smiled as she received the note and discreetly read it in her lap; _**Do you wanna come over tonight?**

_She quickly wrote her reply and returned the paper to Santana; __**What about your parents?**_

_Santana's parents had always had a vendetta against Brittany, even before they had become more than friends. She was never openly welcome in their house and Santana could never get an answer as to why. After writing her answer, she passed the note back to Brittany but wasn't as lucky in not getting caught. _

"_Santana and Brittany, what is possibly more important right now than learning about Shakespearean archetypes?" He crossed his arms and sat half way onto his desk. _

"_Sorry Dickerson, we were just making plans for tonight. In my opinion, it was more important than listening to you explain literary archetypes." The class gasped and reacted in unison. It wasn't that infrequent that Santana gave Mr. Dickerson some trouble, but she rarely pushed this far._

_The teacher ducked his head and chuckled, finding it refreshing to have a student like Santana amongst his waves of silent crowds. "And why is that, Santana? I happen to find them very important." _

"_First of all, not everything one person finds important is important to other people as well. And second, my life story isn't a Shakespearean tragedy so none of this is relatable." Santana, content with her answer, crossed her arms in front of her and sat back in her desk. _

"_Your hubris might just pit your downfall in the end, Miss Lopez. I would tread cautiously on the waters of confidence if I were you." After a brief pause he continued, "Now, can we please get back to our discussion?" _

_Santana waved her hand, gesturing a permission for him to continue. Once he had returned his focus to the whiteboard, Santana looked over to see Brittany giggling. They soon made eye contact and Brittany mouth an 'I love you'. Santana winked at her and then decided she might actually listen to the rest of Mr. Dickerson's lecture. _

_Later that night, the two girls found themselves huddled up in Santana's living room watching a movie. With her parents gone on a business trip for the weekend, Santana was eager to spend the entire weekend doing exactly this with Brittany. _

_Suddenly, out of nowhere, Brittany started giggling and Santana turned to her with a questioning glance. "What are you laughing about?" _

"_I was just thinking about English today" Santana snickered as the discussion replayed in her head. "What did Dickerson mean, about your hubris?" _

"_Well, a character's hubris is usually what causes their downfall. He thinks that my confidence is what's going to cause my downfall." Brittany bit her bottom lip and nodded. _

"_Your confidence is sexy, not hazardous." Santana blushed at the compliment. _

"_I'm not a hero either, so there's really no downfall to be had." Brittany shook her head in disagreement. _

"_You're my hero." Santana just smiled at her and leaned over to kiss her forehead. She couldn't imagine her life without Brittany._

"_You're mine too, Britt" _

_They relaxed once again into the couch, Santana laying on her back with Brittany tucked into her side. A few minutes later, Brittany spoke again. "So since you _are_ a hero, what's your tragic flaw?" _

_Santana didn't have to think before she answered; "You." They briefly looked at each other and she further explained. "If there's anything to cause my demise it would be loving you." _

_Brittany swooned at her words and kissed her neck. "I love you too" Another kiss escaladed their movement and Brittany straddled Santana's hips and removed her shirt. Santana made the move to snake her hand past Brittany's waist band but before she could, she heard her name being yelled and then felt the sudden absence of the warmth of Brittany's body. It took her a second to understand what happened but as soon as she opened her eyes, she saw the reason. _

_In front of the couch stood her parents. Her mother was visibly appalled and angry while her father, as always, stood silently by her side with his head down. Santana let out a loud sigh and moved her legs over the side of the couch. Brittany was at the other end, pulling her shirt back over her head. _

"_I thought you two had important business out of town." Santana's mother looked at her with narrow eyes. _

"_Your father got called into the hospital. But this does not excuse this type of behavior, Santana. Miss Pierce, I assume you know where the door is. You can show yourself out. And Santana, you know where your room is." Brittany went to get up but Santana grabbed her hand and stood up with her. _

"_Brittany goes and I go. We made plans and I'm not gonna let you ruin them." Her mother didn't appreciate her refusal to listen and raised her voice. _

"_Why do you choose to indulge yourself in this behavior? It's sinful and prideful, Santana" Santana rolled her eyes and laughed. _

"_Okay mother, you win. We're leaving." Brittany grabbed her keys from the coffee table and Santana led them towards the front door. _

"_You're being so unreasonable. Why can't you just listen to me? I'm your mother, I know what's best for you…" Mrs. Lopez sneered at Brittany "and she isn't it." _

_Santana dropped Brittany's hand and stepped closer to her mother, stopping herself when they were face to face. "Brittany is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Don't you dare say another word against her." _

"_Mija, please. Let's not fight." Her father tried to interject with a voice of reason but was silenced by his wife. _

"_Shut up, Hector." She reinstated her eye contact with her daughter. "Fine. Go." _

_Santana immediately turned around and without another word left her house. Brittany quietly drove them across town to her home. They sat in the car once it was parked, waiting for each other to be the first to say something. "You know you can stay here the weekend." _

_Santana nodded "I'm sorry". _

"_Santana, it's not your fault that your mom is terrible. Besides, it's movie night at the Pierce household too." With that they got out and made their way inside. They were greeted warmly by Brittany's parents and brother. _

"_I thought you two were staying at Santana's house tonight?" Brittany's mother, Anne, looked at them in confusion. Brittany sucked in her bottom lip and gave her a look that told her all she needed to know. "Well don't just stand there, we have plenty of popcorn left." _

_They both smiled and Brittany led Santana to the other couch that was empty. Once seated, Santana nuzzled into Brittany's side and Brittany's arm wrapped around her and she kissed her forehead. _

_It was always simple with the Pierce family. They loved and accepted Santana regardless of her flaws or mistakes. They were more like family than her own flesh and blood. She never understood why the Pierces could love her but own parents seemed to hate her. If it hadn't of been for Brittany and her family, Santana probably would've never even known what love could feel like. _

"Santana…"

Santana hated the sound of her mother's voice. Wasn't a mother's voice supposed to be the most comforting sound? She figured she would never truly know what a mother's comfort really felt like.

"What are you doing here?" Her mother was quick to retort.

"Our daughter was rescued and brought home, does that not warrant enough for a visit?" Santana crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. She was growing angry.

"You gave up being a part of my life years ago."

"Your father and I just want to put the past behind us and move forward." Santana let out a laugh.

"Oh I bet you do. If you wanted reconnection you should have started before we even had a problem."

"Mija, please. Your mother and I only want to be a part of your life." Her father tried to chime in but his pleads ended the way they always did; ignored.

"I have lived a majority of my life without the both of you and that's how I want to keep it. I didn't need you then and I don't need you now." Santana moved to leave but her mother spoke up once again.

"Well, it doesn't seem like you have anyone else to stick by your side, Santana." Santana easily picked up on her mother's menacing tone and prepared to defend Brittany.

"I have Brittany and my son. They're all I need. All I've ever needed." Santana felt sick to her stomach as she watched her mother's lips form a slight smile.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that. Isn't she still seeing that soldier? What was his name? Chris or Charles or something like that…"

Santana looked to her father for confirmation but as always, he was silently looking towards the floor. A coward, she thought to herself.

"Brittany wouldn't hide something like that from me. She would've told me if she was seeing someone." Santana had to hold on to the faith that Brittany loved her enough to at least tell her if she was or had been seeing someone else.

"You might just want to ask her, darling."

"You two should leave." Santana didn't feel like playing her mother's games anymore. She just wanted to go back to her room.

"We're staying in town for a couple of months. Your father took a leave of absence from the hospital so we could be here for you. We'll come back when you're feeling better." Her mother walked past her and hastily exited the cafeteria. Her father, however, stuck around for a moment longer.

"We're here for you if you need anything, mija. Here's my number in case you need it." He pulled a business card out of his wallet and handed it to her. They stood in an awkward silence for a bit longer before he spoke again. "I missed you. I'm very glad to see that you're doing well." He opened his arms in the slightest and Santana didn't hesitate accepting his embrace. Their hug was brief but Santana received a strange sense of comfort from the hug. Her father smiled at her briefly and then followed the same path as his wife and exited the cafeteria. Her father had never been a bad man. He was just a follower to his wife, letting her dominate him long before Santana could even remember.

Shaking off her encounter with her parents, Santana returned to her room and watched the clock, waiting on her real family to arrive. While she was waiting, she couldn't help but think about her mother's last remarks. She had never let her mother's words get to her, usually taking them as lies or exaggerations, but she these comments wouldn't leave her mind for some reason.

"Sgt. Lopez." Santana was spooked out of her haze by Quinn as she walked into the room and stood at the foot of her bed, arms crossed over her chest.

"It's just Ms. Lopez now. Haven't you heard? I've been discharged." Quinn nodded, acknowledging her awareness of the fact.

"Do you need anything? I'm on a break so I thought I'd drop in." She moved closer to Santana's side.

Santana didn't answer but gave her a meaningful glance. Quinn hiked an eyebrow, waiting for Santana's question. She finally spoke a few moments later. "What's their name?"

Quinn knew exactly what Santana was referring to and ducked her head, not wanting to answer her question. "Don't do this to yourself, Santana."

Santana turned her head away and let out a chuckled sigh. "So it's true." She felt a swell of emotions arise in her chest. She felt her heart breaking, learning that her one true love had moved on while she was gone. How could she possibly see Brittany the same way? But how could she blame her?

"Stop thinking into it. It wasn't serious and they're not a thing anymore. The last thing you need to worry about is that." Quinn tried to reassure her that Chris wasn't a problem, but she could tell Santana had already let this cut too deep.

"You should go before they catch you in here. I don't want you to get in trouble." Quinn nodded, taking Santana's cue to leave her to herself.

"Well, I'll be around if you need me." She walked towards the door and stopped in the doorway. "She never loved him the way she loved you. Not a day went by that she didn't wish he was you." With that she walked out and left the room.

Santana took the words, absorbed the words, but wasn't sure how to process them. She was confused as to how Brittany could move on, while also understanding that it was possible because no one thought she was coming back home. It only made Santana's relationship with Brittany feel more awkward and more strained.

The more she thought about it, the more into herself she fell. The room seemed to close in around her and she felt herself being transported into her tragic darkness. Her consciousness lost in the rabbit hole of bad memories.

XXX

"Jacob, come on. We need to leave now if we're going to see your mama today." Brittany was walking on thin lines with her patience but tried to check herself before letting it come out in her attitude.

Jacob soon rounded the corner and they walked out to the car and began their ride to the hospital. "Hey mommy?"

"Yeah, J" Brittany tried to sound eager to hear his question.

"When will mama come home? Why is she still in the hospital?" Brittany sighed. She wondered the same things and knew just as much as Jacob when it came to Santana's future.

"I don't know. We can ask the doctor today, okay?" Looking in the rearview mirror she saw him smile and nod.

Once they arrived at the hospital they did their usual check-in process and then were escorted down the hallway to Santana's room. As they were about to enter, Brittany heard her name being called out and turned around to find Quinn running up behind them.

"Hold on. I need to talk to you for a second before you see her." The first question that popped into Brittany's head was: is Santana okay? What's happened now?

"Jacob, can you go sit over there for a minute while I talk to Aunt Quinn and then we'll go in to see mama?" He nodded with a frown and went to the bench across the hall that his mother had referenced. "What now, Quinn?"

"She knows." Brittany wasn't catching on to Quinn's subtle reference. When she narrowed her eyes Quinn continued, "About Chris."

Brittany was taken by surprise and her thin line of patience was erased. "And why would you tell her about that?" Her voice carried throughout the hallway and Quinn grabbed her arm to bring her back down.

"I visited her earlier and she asked me about it. I don't know how she found out." Brittany's head started spinning. She wasn't ready to have this conversation with Santana yet. Granted there wasn't necessarily a proper time to tell her about her relationship with Chris, but she would have rather waited to tell her in her own words as opposed to someone else's.

"Fuck…" Brittany whispered out just loud enough for Quinn to hear. "How was she?"

"She was definitely not happy about it. But you know her…walls up." Brittany nodded, knowing all too well how Santana used her defense system. "Just tread carefully, Britt. But you already know that."

Quinn gave her swift hug and then waved to Jacob before returning to her job. Brittany called for Jacob and they quietly entered Santana's room. The lights were off and Santana was curled up, facing away from the door. She appeared to be asleep, but her breathing with too rapid. Brittany faintly called out to her but she didn't budge.

Jacob slipped his hand from Brittany's and ran towards the bed. Brittany tried to stop him but she couldn't reach him before he jumped on the bed. Santana's body jumped and recoiled, her arms extending and pushing their son. Jacob flew off the bed and fell to the floor, hitting his head against the wall. Brittany's attention turned to her son and she rushed to his side, holding him as he began to cry.

Brittany started to cry as well; for her son and for the way Santana reacted. A nurse entered the room, most likely hearing Jacob's screams. "What happened?"

Brittany looked up at Santana, who was looking down upon them with teary eyes herself. Everyone was silent, except for Jacob. The nurse insisted on getting a doctor and Brittany picked Jacob up to take him out in the hallway. "Britt, I….I'm sorry…I didn't know…I.."

Brittany didn't say anything but just walked out in the hallway where a doctor was coming up to meet them.

XXXXX

A couple of hours later, Brittany and Jacob arrived back home. A doctor at the hospital had confirmed that Jacob had a minor concussion from hitting his head against the wall. Brittany laid Jacob down in his room and he went straight to sleep.

Brittany careful stood up off the bed and walked slowly to the door, quietly leaving it cracked behind her. As she reached the foyer, there was a knock at the door. She moved to answer it quickly in hopes it wouldn't wake Jacob. She was surprised to see Chris on the other side of the door, fist ready to knock again. He seemed surprised that Brittany opened the door so rapidly. "Brittany…hey"

"What do you want, Chris?" She stepped outside and closed the door behind her. He took a couple of steps back and shoved his hand in his pockets.

"I was just stopping by to see how you're doing. You haven't answered any of my calls. I saw your car on my way home from work…I figured I'd stop in." Brittany nodded with a frown still framed on her face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" He turned to leave but Brittany grabbed his arm.

"Wait. I could actually use an ear and maybe some advice." She didn't want to ask for his help, but with his background he could give her some insight into Santana what she might be feeling.

Chris waited to be invited in and followed Brittany as she opened the door and waved her hand. "Take your boots off. Jacob is sleeping." He did as he was instructed and moments later they were seated at the kitchen table in the exact manner as when she had ended their relationship. "Santana had…an episode today." Chris stayed quiet and narrowed his eyes for her to continue. "We went to see her. She was turned away from the door when we got there. I tried to get her attention but Jacob jumped on the bed and scared her. It happened so fast, but she turned and pushed him off. He flew off the bed and hit his head on the wall. Doctor says he got a really mild concussion…"

"Britt…I'm sorry." He took her hand in his. "Ya know, Jacob shouldn't be sleeping if he has a concussion."

"The doctor said it was okay." She knew Chris cared about Jacob's wellbeing. He had worry written all over his face. "He'll be okay, Chris. I think it scared him more than it actually hurt him."

He nodded and Brittany continued "What scares me is that Santana hurt him. Maybe not purposefully but she did. I'm trying to think about how it could be possible for her to do it, but I just can't see it. She wouldn't but she did."

"People do fucked up things when they're fucked up, Britt." He didn't really know what else to say. "I don't know what else to say."

"I thought maybe you could try to help me understand where she's coming from." Chris shook his head slightly.

"My experiences are nowhere near what Santana's been through."

"Anything could help, Chris. Please." He sighed loudly and let go of her hand, replacing it in his lap. "I know you haven't been on notification duty for your whole career, but you've never talked about any other experiences you've had."

Chris took a deep breath and sighed before starting his story. "I was an active duty infantryman for two years before I was stationed here. I was deployed to Iraq about six months after I graduated basics. We were there for over a year, mostly doing containment-type jobs. Security was a big propriety for our company." He paused for a second before continuing, "One day we were on patrol and came under fire...We were way out numbered."

"How did you get out of it?" Chris took a deep breath in.

"I was shot." Brittany nodded, having seen the scars numerous times. "I played dead. I got to watch all my friends bleed out while I was bleeding out myself. I don't remember getting transported anywhere or getting help. I just woke up in a hospital to find out my whole squad was gone. For a long time I wished I had died with them. It would have been a whole lot better than seeing them every time I closed my eyes. Death isn't something I'd wish for anyone to witness. Especially not the kind soldiers have to see happen. It's brutal and it's not something to ever be forgotten. We never forget what it looks like."

"I just want to help her…I want to take it all away…but I can't. I've never felt so helpless."

Chris didn't know exactly what kind of advice Brittany was looking for. He didn't have any advice for how to heal Santana.

"I don't know what to do…" Brittany couldn't risk Jacob's wellbeing. No matter how much she loved Santana, that love could never compare to the love she held for Jacob.

"I don't either. I guess all you can do is be there for her. You saved me, you can help her." Brittany gave him the slightest of smiles but continued.

"Santana was always the rock. She was always the strong one, the determined one. Nothing scared her, nothing seemed to hurt her." Chris leaned over and grabbed her hand again. "The Santana I saw today was scared, helpless, and lost. Her eyes were full of fear when she pushed Jacob. I've never felt afraid of her…but when she did that to our son…I couldn't help but be scared of her myself."

Chris moved closer to her and kneeled down in front of her. He put his arms around her and she fell into his shoulder and started crying. He let her cry it out, wishing he could somehow make her feel better. "She's a human. Just try to remember that."

XXXXX

"Do you wanna tell me how you're feeling?" Puck probed Santana as she stared blankly into the table they were seated around. "Lopez, you didn't mean to do it. No one can blame you with what you've been through."

She stared up at him with a harsh look. "You didn't see the look on her face. You didn't hear my son's screaming. All caused by me. All of it…my fault."

"Stop blaming yourself."

"That's so easy for you to say, isn't it? You have no burdens on your shoulders. You didn't hurt anyone. You don't have anyone to hurt." Puck was taken aback by her comments and stood up from the table.

"You're right, **I** didn't kill a fellow soldier. Maybe I should tell that lawyer who did, get a better settlement. I have no one to hurt in the process, right?" Santana stood up and marched straight up to him. She didn't say anything but gave him a stare that sent chills down his spine. He showed her his palms and backed up. "You know I wouldn't actually do it, Lopez."

She stayed silent and walked out of the common room that they had been seated in. No sooner was she back in her room, her attending doctor walked in. "Ah what the fuck now?"

"Ms. Lopez, I suggest you watch your attitude. You're already on thin lines from your actions earlier today."

"Go ahead, take away my visitation."

"Is that really what you want?" Santana sat in the chair next to her bed and rested her head in her hands.

"What I want is to be normal again…I want to forget. I want to stop seeing all the shit that happened to me. I want to get married to my fiancé and live happily ever after with our son." She paused for a moment, a tear rolling down her cheek. "But instead I fuck it up. I hurt my son. And I made Brittany look at me like I was a monster…"

"Your visits will be supervised for a while but we're not taking your family away from you. It is, however, up to them when they come back." She watched as the woman seated in the chair sunk away into her darkness. She was back into whatever trance she had been in before. "Santana", she called her name loudly and Santana snapped back to reality. "Where did you go?"

"Back to the basement."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

_Two weeks later…_

It had been two weeks since Santana had seen Brittany or Jacob. She had talked to Brittany briefly on the phone two times but their conversations strictly revolved around her health and progress. When she asked about their son all Brittany would say is that he was fine.

Since her encounter with Puck, she was alone. He hadn't come around or tried to come see her. She didn't blame him, in fact, she didn't blame anyone for not wanting to be around her. She was a nightmare.

After her physical therapy for the day, she returned to her room to find the lawyer sitting there. The lawyer who was onto her dark secret. The secret that would ruin her life if ever spoken about.

"Ms. Lopez, it's good to see you again." He stood as she entered to shake her hand and, cringing, she accepted his gesture. She figured she should play nice if she wanted to get him out of her hair. "Please, have a seat. I just need to go over some final paperwork with you."

She rolled her eyes and sat in a chair in front of the lawyer. "What final paperwork is left?"

"We have your settlement ready to go as well as a full stipend plan to cover you until…"

"I die?" She finished his sentence, not really understanding what was so hard for him to say.

"Yes. I just need a few signatures from you." She nodded, grabbing the pen he was extending and the paperwork as it slid across the table. "You'll see the totals for both amounts at the bottom. We need to know where to put the money so if you'll provide an account where we can do that."

"I don't have an account right now." Santana looked up at him.

"We can settle that later then. Just sign if the amounts are agreeable." She nodded. She had never seen that much money in her life. She had grown up well off but not this well off. She signed her signature on the dotted lines and handed the pen back to the man in the suit.

"And here's my card. Just give me a call when you have your accounts and such in order." He stood up and buttoned his suit jacket. "You know, this is your last opportunity to tell me what happened to that solider. After I leave, that paperwork is final."

"I told you what I know." Santana crossed her arms.

"Then why is it that I don't believe you?" He snapped his briefcase shut and looked up at her with questioning eyes.

"Maybe you spend so much time around liars that it's hard to believe anyone tells the truth." Santana felt a piece of her old self in her comeback. It made a slight smile form on her face.

"We lawyers don't like falling under such a stereotypes, but you believe what you want to. Sgt. King's death is still under investigation so we'll see what happens. Have a good afternoon, Ms. Lopez." He grabbed the handle of his briefcase and walked out of her room. She waited for the sound of his dress shoes to cease before getting up to go out into the hallway.

She needed to find Puck. She needed to talk to someone. As she rounded a corner, she was met by a series of familiar faces. "Sgt. Lopez, just the woman we were looking for."

Three large men in dress uniforms stood, like a wall, in front of her. "Captain Morton, sir. It's a pleasure to see you."

"Oh, quite the contrary. It's a pleasure to have you back in the states. We're glad to see you're recovering quite well." The other two men nodded in agreement. Santana cringed; if they could only see the inside, she thought.

"Thank you, sir. What is it I can help you with?" Her body naturally seemed to remember how to stand in front of a Commanding Officer. Her arms folded behind her back with her chin slightly above parallel and her feet spread shoulder width apart. She took comfort in her body knowing what to do without her having to think about it.

"Well, we would like to talk to you about a ceremony of sorts. We would like to honor all of you who survived and hold a remembrance for those who didn't. Is there somewhere we could discuss this?" Santana nodded and gestured towards an empty sitting room. Her search for Puckerman would have to wait until after the Captain was finished.

They talked briefly about Captain Morton's proposal and apparently Santana was the last one to be asked about the event; others having mentioned she was in the worst condition. She agreed to attend the ceremony and with that, Captain Morton and his colleagues took their leave telling her they would send more details at a later date.

After they walked out, she sighed a breath of relief and sat back in her chair. She felt exhausted. Just as she stood up to walk out, Brittany appeared in the door way. She stood nervously, biting her bottom lip.

"Brittany…what are you doing here? My visits are supposed to be supervised." Santana moved a few step closer to her, but stopped a few feet away.

"I saw you in here before I got to the desk. I needed to talk to you…alone." Santana nodded and gestured for her to take a seat but Brittany shook her head in refusal.

"What is it? Is Jacob okay?"

"Jacob is fine, he's with Quinn for a couple of hours. I needed to ask you something." Santana nodded once for her to continue. Whatever she was about to ask, it was going to be heavy. "Santana, you know that I love you, right?"

That was never a good start for any conversation. "Of course. And I love you…Britt, just say what you need to say."

"I don't think we should…." She paused, dropping Santana's eye contact and nervously fidgeting with her fingers. "I just think it would be best if we didn't put any expectations on ourselves."

"What do you mean?" Was Brittany breaking up with her? "Are you…do you not want…"

Brittany interrupted Santana's thoughts, "You need to focus on your recovery. Yourself. And I have to focus on your recovery and Jacob. We don't have the time or energy left to focus on our relationship. I think we just need to hit the pause button for a while and figure it out later."

Santana felt angry but she stood calmly in front of Brittany, nodding in agreement. She didn't want to lose Brittany so she wasn't going to argue her point. "Is this because of that guy?"

"No. Chris and I are just friends." Brittany really didn't want to talk about her relationship with Chris with Santana.

"That's not what I heard." Santana let her mother's voice replay in her head for a moment. "Are we going to talk him at least?"

"We really don't need to bring that up, Santana. Some things are just better left in the past."

"Yeah…kind of like our relationship, right?" With that she walked past the dancer and stormed back to her room. She didn't have the courage to stay behind and watch the look on her face. She felt the words hurt Brittany before they even reached her mouth.

No sooner did Santana reach her room, Brittany was right behind her and was closing the door. She didn't turn to face her, but stayed facing the window. She could feel Brittany's conflicted emotions in the sounds of her restless shuffling. "I'm doing the best I can, Santana…" Santana still couldn't look at her. "I'm trying to do the best I can for our family."

She could hear Brittany's voice breaking and finally turned to face her. She could see anger mixed with sadness flushed across her face. Santana wasn't sure what to say to make it go away so she just stayed silent.

Brittany suddenly lurched forward, appearing as though she had something important to say. She seemed to stop herself and then took a step backwards.

"I'm sorry, Britt" Brittany's attitude melted at her words and a renewed sense of calm came over her. She took a deep breath and her whole body seemed to relax.

"It's not your fault, Santana." She slowly took a few step forward. "I just…I don't know where to go from here. We were so happy…we were about to have a baby and get married. It all just seems like a dream now, something completely unattainable."

Santana nodded in agreement but didn't say anything. "I've been angry at the universe before…but never like this." She grabbed Santana's hands in her own and looked down at them. "I can't understand why it had to be you."

"I'll never understand that either." Santana looked at Brittany with remorse and brought one hand up to brush away a tear falling down her cheek.

"I was really starting to believe you were dead…everyone told me to move on. I couldn't bear the thought of it. When Chris come along…he was just someone to try and fill this void. I needed help…with Jacob…with moving on."

Santana dropped Brittany's hands and spoke the first words that came to her mind. "So did fucking him help? Did trying to love him help?"

"You don't get to say things like that. As far as I knew, you were dead, Santana. You have no idea what I went through."

"Clearly…" Santana rolled her eyes and took steps to increase the distance between herself and Brittany.

Anger came over her again and Brittany persisted. "There wasn't a goddamn day that you were gone when I didn't wish you were the one I was coming home to." She started crying and her voice escaladed. "It took me years to stop waiting for the sound of your keys in the bowl by the front door. Or the way your boots sounded coming into the kitchen after work. I hated every fucking day that I had to wake up without you next to me…And I hated telling Jacob stories about you because it made me realize exactly how much we were both missing out on by not having you in our lives. I wished that every day would be the day that you would come home…and after so many days and weeks and months and years…I started to believe you weren't coming back."

Santana's resentment completely broke down "Britt…"

"You have a right to be upset with me, Santana. But I don't want you to think that anyone could ever fill the loss that you caused. No one could ever fill that void."

"I'm not upset…I'm angry." Brittany looked confused and disappointed. "I'm angry that I put you through all this. If we had just stayed broken up when I enlisted none of this would have ever happened."

"There's no one to blame except the people that did this to you. Santana, you're a hero. Not just mine, but you're an American hero." Santana grimaced at being called the opposite of what the truth was.

"I'm not a hero…I…I did something…something really bad, really wrong. I can't take it back…I can't fix it."

"Santana, look at me." Brittany pulled her face so she could make eye contact with her. "No matter what happened there, you're my hero. You always have been and you always will be." Santana took a moment of silence before speaking again. Brittany sat quietly and just held her hand.

"You were my downfall." Brittany gave Santana a pressing look for her to further explain. "You were my biggest weakness."

"I'm not understanding…"

Santana shook her head, not really wanting Brittany to understand what she was trying to say. Truthfully, had Santana not been carrying Brittany's picture she wouldn't have drawn any additional attention to herself. She would have never been forced into pulling that trigger and she wouldn't have someone's blood on her hands.

"Santana, what are you talking about?" Brittany was becoming genuinely concerned. Suddenly their conversation about tragedies crossed her mind. "Are you talking about Shakespeare?"

Santana didn't give her any indication of what she was referring to, but stayed quiet and broke eye contact. She stared down at their entangled hands and started to cry. Brittany didn't press anything any further but instead wrapped her arms around her and held her close. "I love you, Santana…if you fall, I'm falling with you."

**Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, let me know! **

**Please leave me a review telling me what you thought or what you might like to see happen! **

**I'll see you next time! Hopefully before next year... ;)**


End file.
